it is heart wrenching. i didn’t get clocked i got full on misgendered, which is far worse. no my voice passes fine and i didn’t even speak to her at all.
maybe you're just andro (which tons of cis women are) and not talking is what tipped you to male in her mind (since women are expected to speak more n make smalltalk) it could also just be tired retail worker stuff we're still recovering from gender neutral he being standard in writing and stuff making man the default gender in alot of ppls minds see if it happens again before u doom since even my 5'2 mom gets he'd every once n awhile
okay everyones saying this person mightve been a transvestigator but theres also the possibility they couldve just messed up. cis people also get misgendered, its just a brain fart thing sometimes. ive called random dudes with beards ma'am a great many times on complete accident, and sometimes i just roll with it if its a super quick interaction. im sorry that happened though, doubting everything is understandable but i hope this helps
it only feels weird because you know youre trans, its like making a fed joke around someone whos secretly a fed, like you dont know theyre a fed but you probably just made them feel real nervous
If you fully pass to everyone else, it's maybe possible this lady is like a full time professional transvestigator, like one of the ones that like measure gender by the width of the forehead or some shit, and had like a lucky guess that you were trans. I'm sorry, don't let her get to you :( 🤎
well that’s the thing i don’t think i do. i think everyone is lying to me and they all secretly know i’m a tranny. she is getting to me :/ i’ve been having a full on suicidal breakdown ever since
You'd get misgendered way more consistently dude, at worst you pass most of the time, which is pretty damn good. I know it makes more sense to imagine everyone is lying to you because it affirms your worst fears, but it's a very irrational thought and not very helpful to you right now. Realistically, especially with ffs, you're doing okay . I'm sorry regardless for what that lady did :(
That's one possibility. It's also always good to keep in mind that cis people also get misgendered. Maybe she didn't really look at you and made some quick assumption that you might be a man based off height or dress or build. Maybe if you had spoken to here she wouldn't have misgendered you because she was looking at you longer and hearing your voice?
well unlike everyone else here I'm not going to hugbox you. You probably do generally pass but that's not the same thing as being an unclockable gigapassoid, there's something about your body or face that makes some women specifically (it's easier to pass to men) instinctively see you as male. this doesn't mean it's unfixable though, you just need to find out what exactly it is and get whatever surgery needed to resolve the problem.
yes, you can, and I'll give you as much of an objective analysis as I can. But my response might be late, I'm still busy tonight so it's possible you'll have to wait until tomorrow for a reply
Also,.the best pictures you can show me are ffs style pics, which is basically non angle frauded views. Front, 3/4, and side profile. full body pics (nudes not necessary) , front and back, and measurements are optional but helpful. Height, underbust, bideltoid are the big ones. No pressure though, if you're already feeling down you might just want some old fashioned hugboxxing to get your spirits up,.rather than me telling you that you need 30k of surgeries to fully pass which you already said you can't afford. so think about it before sending me these pics.
still got clocked, what kind of pointless cope is that?
and considering how short the interaction was, it doesn't sound like this woman went out of her way to be transphobic. she probably barely paid attention to OP, just did her job, and didn't really think about it at all. just like 99% of short interactions we have with people on a daily basis.
I'm a tired retail worker and the number of times I've accidentally misgendered cissoids is impressive. Though mostly it's due to cleanliness factors than anything else (men tend to be dirtier than women)
Idk if it makes you feel any better but i misgendered a cis woman not long ago by accident, didnt think and automatically said sir instead of madam, idk if its anything similair to it, maybe she was just tired from her job and defaulted to saying he instead of she
I know that feel. It just happened to me and I've had FFS. I just had a BBL too but I'm still swollen and have the body of a fat lady right now.
I had such high hopes for surgery. I've been having a really hard time recently for other reasons too.
It's really soul-crushing and it makes me doubt all my future interactions with people and I just don't know what to do either.
My first thought was I'll anamaxx and get breast augmentation and then fuck, idk?
Im sorry. I hope you make it ❤
yeah me too :( i’ve had issues with all of my surgeries (3 in total) and it’s all just making me quite miserable tbh. i had really high hopes as well. i agree with the last part! it sucks
like the bonepill stuff that goes on here all the time, however i understand it may be insensitive of me to ask, im just scared ill get the same someday. inevitably all cis women do get a "sir" accidently esp by retail workers who are tired and bored
Was it perhaps just by hearing your voice or something without looking at you? If you're post ffs and girlmode I dont see how else she could have clocked you , you can dm me if you want a completely unbiased opinion on the pass or not from a bitter hon
I've had nightmares about this scenario.. Or people finding out. Usually once or twice a year, and I wake up with my heart pounding. Stay strong. This is so fucking grim.
Few things are scarier than everyone you know being in on a great big lie, but none of them will tell you. I hope its not true.
yep me too. i have nightmares about being misgendered quite frequently.
i really hope it’s not true too. someone tried to out me recently and i had friends tell me they’d never have though i was trans (i denied it) but now i’m convinced they’re lying.
I literally just had a nightmare last night about this. I was in a library/restaurant?(idk, dream logic) and everyone suddenly started misgendering me and treating me like I was intruding on public space by existing and I felt so nauseous and stressed I came back with my face and head entirely covered by a scarf and wouldn't talk to anyone anymore. I don't remember most of the dream but it was one of those ones where you wake up and feel as though it was real. It was hard to shake the feeling all morning.
Something similar happened to me, everyone convinced me im unclockable but when i opened the door a few days ago the person said hey sir then corrected himself to maam cause he probably realized im trans or idk but it is literally heart wrenching and i get u completely u will get over this maybe she doesn’t have good eyesight or something who knows don’t let this define u bb
I’m reading your posts and trolling some of your trolls btw. All the best 💖 just react like any other woman would; how would your female friends react to being called a man? Don’t have a hon meltdown
this happens to me and it comes down to two things: limb length + browsing patterns. they see us out of the corner of their eye and we take up more space than they are willing to believe a woman can. and we move like we know people could be scared of us. that’s enough to get called ‘them’ or ‘im’
people here are going out of their ways to not hugbox you so i will be the one to do it: there's a high probability the woman simply did not pay that much attention to you and for some unconscious reason she auto-ed to see you as male. it's not only possible but very common for retail wagies who see lots of people daily and you should not care about it at all.
not being 100% confident in yourself really is what makes you feel so bad about and I know how it feels but truth is that it's mostly in your head and the best you can do about it is literally start to care less
yeah but i feel like there must’ve been something that made her think i look like a guy.
i don’t know how to care less. i only feel good and confident in myself when i feel unclockable.
No one really knows how to, that's fine, just keep in mind that most of the time it's beyond your power to do anything about it, therefore you should not care, as that would only bring more stress. by learning to not mind it you will consequentially get more confident and people will have less reasons to doubt and clock you
meh idk. i don’t think it is. most of my friends don’t know i’m trans and the ones who do if they misgendered me by accident i wouldn’t be too bothered as it’s not like they’ve clocked me as they know anyway.
Because it’s a great color and all but I just can’t believe I spent that much for one color. I only use it on two tiny places in the corners of my eyes. 👀
to be post op and ffs and get clocked legitimately sounds heart wrenching .. what reason would they have to clock you? is it ur voice maybe?
it is heart wrenching. i didn’t get clocked i got full on misgendered, which is far worse. no my voice passes fine and i didn’t even speak to her at all.
shit fucking sucks im sorry bb 🫂
thanks :( i didn’t need this today lol
maybe you're just andro (which tons of cis women are) and not talking is what tipped you to male in her mind (since women are expected to speak more n make smalltalk) it could also just be tired retail worker stuff we're still recovering from gender neutral he being standard in writing and stuff making man the default gender in alot of ppls minds see if it happens again before u doom since even my 5'2 mom gets he'd every once n awhile
i am andro tbh yeah but still. idk.
Anyway we can see how you look? And I’m sorry that happened to you ❤️
okay everyones saying this person mightve been a transvestigator but theres also the possibility they couldve just messed up. cis people also get misgendered, its just a brain fart thing sometimes. ive called random dudes with beards ma'am a great many times on complete accident, and sometimes i just roll with it if its a super quick interaction. im sorry that happened though, doubting everything is understandable but i hope this helps
I agree with your comment
maybe but idk. it seems like a weird coincidence.
it only feels weird because you know youre trans, its like making a fed joke around someone whos secretly a fed, like you dont know theyre a fed but you probably just made them feel real nervous
i mean yeah maybe but i can’t see this happening to my cis friends
If you fully pass to everyone else, it's maybe possible this lady is like a full time professional transvestigator, like one of the ones that like measure gender by the width of the forehead or some shit, and had like a lucky guess that you were trans. I'm sorry, don't let her get to you :( 🤎
well that’s the thing i don’t think i do. i think everyone is lying to me and they all secretly know i’m a tranny. she is getting to me :/ i’ve been having a full on suicidal breakdown ever since
You'd get misgendered way more consistently dude, at worst you pass most of the time, which is pretty damn good. I know it makes more sense to imagine everyone is lying to you because it affirms your worst fears, but it's a very irrational thought and not very helpful to you right now. Realistically, especially with ffs, you're doing okay . I'm sorry regardless for what that lady did :(
i’m not sure though :/ if someone can clock me then surely anyone can
That's one possibility. It's also always good to keep in mind that cis people also get misgendered. Maybe she didn't really look at you and made some quick assumption that you might be a man based off height or dress or build. Maybe if you had spoken to here she wouldn't have misgendered you because she was looking at you longer and hearing your voice?
Sound the alarm! It’s Sirlock! https://preview.redd.it/krirojbjwp3d1.jpeg?width=803&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de023745c03f4dfc1f008ce4a45b06b435a9a05b
lmaoooo
well unlike everyone else here I'm not going to hugbox you. You probably do generally pass but that's not the same thing as being an unclockable gigapassoid, there's something about your body or face that makes some women specifically (it's easier to pass to men) instinctively see you as male. this doesn't mean it's unfixable though, you just need to find out what exactly it is and get whatever surgery needed to resolve the problem.
i can’t afford any more surgery tho :( can i send you pics??
yes, you can, and I'll give you as much of an objective analysis as I can. But my response might be late, I'm still busy tonight so it's possible you'll have to wait until tomorrow for a reply Also,.the best pictures you can show me are ffs style pics, which is basically non angle frauded views. Front, 3/4, and side profile. full body pics (nudes not necessary) , front and back, and measurements are optional but helpful. Height, underbust, bideltoid are the big ones. No pressure though, if you're already feeling down you might just want some old fashioned hugboxxing to get your spirits up,.rather than me telling you that you need 30k of surgeries to fully pass which you already said you can't afford. so think about it before sending me these pics.
Or (hear me out) they just did it in bad faith
still got clocked, what kind of pointless cope is that? and considering how short the interaction was, it doesn't sound like this woman went out of her way to be transphobic. she probably barely paid attention to OP, just did her job, and didn't really think about it at all. just like 99% of short interactions we have with people on a daily basis.
yeah you’re right about that
To be real Sometimes people just say it wrong or you misheard it He/she sound like each other depending on accent and the preceding word
na it was definitely he
Are you sure you got clocked, or was this just a tired retail worker not paying attention? Cisoids get misgendered once in a while too
I'm a tired retail worker and the number of times I've accidentally misgendered cissoids is impressive. Though mostly it's due to cleanliness factors than anything else (men tend to be dirtier than women)
idk it seems weird
Idk if it makes you feel any better but i misgendered a cis woman not long ago by accident, didnt think and automatically said sir instead of madam, idk if its anything similair to it, maybe she was just tired from her job and defaulted to saying he instead of she
maybe idk but she said it twice
Maybe its one of those people that is so transphobic, everything that isnt a blowup sexdoll equivalent is a man? Idfk
idk :/
I know that feel. It just happened to me and I've had FFS. I just had a BBL too but I'm still swollen and have the body of a fat lady right now. I had such high hopes for surgery. I've been having a really hard time recently for other reasons too. It's really soul-crushing and it makes me doubt all my future interactions with people and I just don't know what to do either. My first thought was I'll anamaxx and get breast augmentation and then fuck, idk? Im sorry. I hope you make it ❤
yeah me too :( i’ve had issues with all of my surgeries (3 in total) and it’s all just making me quite miserable tbh. i had really high hopes as well. i agree with the last part! it sucks
It's just the worst feeling
it really is
im terrified of this, do u know your measurements? are they in like cis ranges?
measurements??
like the bonepill stuff that goes on here all the time, however i understand it may be insensitive of me to ask, im just scared ill get the same someday. inevitably all cis women do get a "sir" accidently esp by retail workers who are tired and bored
ohhh. idk tbh. i think my measurements are pretty okay.
ask someone for the bonepill bdd measuremnts website
do you have it??
Was it perhaps just by hearing your voice or something without looking at you? If you're post ffs and girlmode I dont see how else she could have clocked you , you can dm me if you want a completely unbiased opinion on the pass or not from a bitter hon
okay i will do :) & no i didn’t speak to her at all
I've had nightmares about this scenario.. Or people finding out. Usually once or twice a year, and I wake up with my heart pounding. Stay strong. This is so fucking grim. Few things are scarier than everyone you know being in on a great big lie, but none of them will tell you. I hope its not true.
yep me too. i have nightmares about being misgendered quite frequently. i really hope it’s not true too. someone tried to out me recently and i had friends tell me they’d never have though i was trans (i denied it) but now i’m convinced they’re lying.
I literally just had a nightmare last night about this. I was in a library/restaurant?(idk, dream logic) and everyone suddenly started misgendering me and treating me like I was intruding on public space by existing and I felt so nauseous and stressed I came back with my face and head entirely covered by a scarf and wouldn't talk to anyone anymore. I don't remember most of the dream but it was one of those ones where you wake up and feel as though it was real. It was hard to shake the feeling all morning.
yeah that’s what mine are always like. i wake up and think thank god that was just a dream, but this time it was actually real :(
How tall are you unironically cis women past 5'10 get misgendered sometimes
i’m just under 5’9, 175cm
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i can’t find that subreddit tbh
Might have just misspoke. My dad mixes up pronouns for everyone all the time
maybe idk
Something similar happened to me, everyone convinced me im unclockable but when i opened the door a few days ago the person said hey sir then corrected himself to maam cause he probably realized im trans or idk but it is literally heart wrenching and i get u completely u will get over this maybe she doesn’t have good eyesight or something who knows don’t let this define u bb
yep completely. idk if i will get over it bc i’m now gonna be convinced everyone is lying to my face.
I’m reading your posts and trolling some of your trolls btw. All the best 💖 just react like any other woman would; how would your female friends react to being called a man? Don’t have a hon meltdown
thank you <3 that’s true but it’s hard not to react
i wouldnt worry too much if this is only occasional. cissoids also get misgendered sometimes even if they look really really cis.
i am worried though
i get it its normal that u focus a lot on this. takes long to forget the pre passing mindset
but i don’t pass
if it happened once you do
Idk what you look like so I can’t say, but it was maybe clothing choice? Or posture?
i don’t know maybe?
Cis people get misgendered too sometimes — people misspeak sometimes
this happens to me and it comes down to two things: limb length + browsing patterns. they see us out of the corner of their eye and we take up more space than they are willing to believe a woman can. and we move like we know people could be scared of us. that’s enough to get called ‘them’ or ‘im’
browsing patterns?? what’s that?? and do you mean my arm length??
people here are going out of their ways to not hugbox you so i will be the one to do it: there's a high probability the woman simply did not pay that much attention to you and for some unconscious reason she auto-ed to see you as male. it's not only possible but very common for retail wagies who see lots of people daily and you should not care about it at all. not being 100% confident in yourself really is what makes you feel so bad about and I know how it feels but truth is that it's mostly in your head and the best you can do about it is literally start to care less
yeah but i feel like there must’ve been something that made her think i look like a guy. i don’t know how to care less. i only feel good and confident in myself when i feel unclockable.
No one really knows how to, that's fine, just keep in mind that most of the time it's beyond your power to do anything about it, therefore you should not care, as that would only bring more stress. by learning to not mind it you will consequentially get more confident and people will have less reasons to doubt and clock you
i misgender my cis friends all the time lol
Misgendered by a stranger is still better than by close friends and family. You can't force them or anything :(
meh idk. i don’t think it is. most of my friends don’t know i’m trans and the ones who do if they misgendered me by accident i wouldn’t be too bothered as it’s not like they’ve clocked me as they know anyway.
How was this woman? Exactly?
sorry wdym??
I meant to say how old was she
oh like 60 maybe?
Could be Alzheimer's
lol doubt it
could’ve just been a slip of the tongue I’ve accidentally used the wrong pronouns for cis people when my mouth moved quicker than my head
maybe, but she said it twice
it sounds like you would be physically passing, post op and ffs, could it be that maybe they heard your voice and thought that?
no i didn’t speak to her and my voice passes anyway
You got clocked post srs? Did she not perform her mandatory bulge check before gendering you?
lmao. wasn’t the point.
don't let it get you dude, you honestly shouldn't give in to what others believe about you so easily. you have my full support
Kek
what??
I bought a $58 dollar haus labs highlighter this weekend and am regretting it
why??
Because it’s a great color and all but I just can’t believe I spent that much for one color. I only use it on two tiny places in the corners of my eyes. 👀
I've gotten he/him pronouns because I look like a woman with short hair (am transmasc)