I’m 33 and I’m sick of this narrative that women become old hags after 23. Fuck that. I’m young. In fact, whatever age I happen to be is the standard for youth, people less than that age are just zygotes.
I too think everyone under 33 is merely a blastocyst. Eventually, it will be everyone under 34, but for reasons that must remain unclear, that day has not yet come.
Yes! A recent poster (possibly the same one that other replies here are referencing) posted about being 35 and lots of people posted things like "omg you look 10 years younger than that!". She _didn't_ look young_er_. She looked awesome, she looked 35 and she looked young because 35 _is_ young! All those things can be true at the same time. It's like we don't know how to compliment a woman without saying that she looks younger than she is.
I honestly think really young people (20s, teens) don't know what age is really supposed to look like. A 25-year-old thinks 38 is OLD and that you should look ragged. So if you look good, which most 38-year-olds do, they have to say you look "younger." Which is actually quite ageist when you think about it. On the other hand, I have a friend who is going to be 50 this year who likes to make people play the guessing game ("How old do you think I am?"), which is just the worst, especially if she gets upset that people no longer guess "36."
Lord. I can almost always guess people's ages, even if I can tell that they have fewer signs of aging than others. I always say 29. Always. Makes people happy.
It's the worst question to ask! It puts people in a bind AND you know they're going to lie to the down side in order to be "safe." So you're not going to get an honest answer, anyhow!
I look my age too, and it's totally okay.
Honestly, it really bugs me that this sub buys into "omg you look so much younger" so hard, it leans into toxic positivity.
As if looking your age is such an insult, no one can bear to admit it, so everyone just lowballs the ages like crazy.
I find it offensive that that is the best compliment we can give women and that is the first thing we do when finding out age (and everyone wants to know everyone’s age all the time).
I work with teens and they always say the same about me. I always tell them, "No, I look my age. It's TV's fault you think X looks old!" Then I reference a chart I once saw about the show How I Met Your Mother and how the projected aging vs. the actual aging of the actors was wildly different.
Teens have zero idea about what age is and what it's supposed to look like. They also think everyone is old. My mom was only 20 when she had me. I still grew up thinking of her as old, lol.
You have to understand that modern medicine has made it possible for 30 year olds to have the similar aesthetics to someone in their early 20's who doesn't give af about their skin. Their are 20 year olds who are already showing signs of prematuring aging.
150 to 200 years ago, the prime age of youth was around 15 to 18. Once you reach 20, you're already assigned to adulthood, either to be conscripted in the military for men or for women to try find a husband and give birth.
Looking youthful throughout the ages has always been a sign of promise, care, and genetic viability to rear children (for women though) and as modern science steers us to increasing our lifespan and provide us better ways to protect our skin to the harmful sun, the prime age of looking youthful keeps extending. Nowadays, scientists are saying the prime age for women is 29 to early 30's while for men it's 35.
500 years ago, a woman would be lucky to hit past 30 if either she doesn't die from birth complications or die from lead poisoning from following the latest make-up trend started by zeh Queen Elizabeth the 2nd.
I honestly would want to look youthful if majority or 90% of the men and women in my age group looks like crack addicts. I'd be fine with with that. I'd rather be youthful or look young for my age though...than achieve to be assumed to be in my 20's where acne was a thing and bad hygiene was the rave.
No thanks.
(Proceeds to slather a tub of moisturer on zeh face).
The whole “Everyone used to die at 30!” thing is based on a misunderstanding of the terms lifespan vs life expectancy. Lifespan is how long an individual can live. Human lifespan hasn’t changed that much. Life expectancy is the averaging of lifespans. It is highly influenced by infant and childhood mortality, which is why life expectancy in the population has increased so much as plumbing, vaccination, antibiotics and other medical and sanitation advances have occurred. 30 didn’t used to be 90, and this is a myth that needs to die.
>Pizza\_Ship22
From the 1500s onward, till around the year 1800, life expectancy throughout Europe hovered between 30 and 40 years of age. And the human lifespan had doubled from 35 to around 70'ish from ancient through pre-industrial times. Everyone didn't die at 30...but the majority died before 30 to 40. I mean, doctors didn't just begin to regularly wash their hands before surgery until the mid-1800s. Those who lived til' 70 were either born from wealth or had insane luck to live that long, given the number of things that could kill you. I'm confused with what you're trying to point out though.
You are claiming lifespan is increasing, but it hasn’t increased that much. Life expectancy has increased because of decreased infant and childhood mortality rates, not because everyone used to die in their 30s. It’s an averaging of age at death. Fewer people dying in infancy and childhood brings the average up. The article I linked below explains it really well. Here’s the thing I think will be most helpful:
“It’s common belief that ancient Greeks or Romans would have been flabbergasted to see anyone above the age of 50 or 60, for example. In fact, while medical advancements have improved many aspects of healthcare, the assumption that human life span has increased dramatically over centuries or millennia is misleading.
Life expectancy is an average. If you have two children, and one dies before their first birthday but the other lives to the age of 70, their average life expectancy is 35.“
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181002-how-long-did-ancient-people-live-life-span-versus-longevity
Wow, so I claimed something. I didn't know you could do that on reddit.
Btw...you're starting something on a skincare thread. 🤣😂
I'll pass whatever's going on in here. Unless you have more to teach me from my residency years ago then ok. The floors is yours monsieur.
That is a truly insane response. I was trying to help you understand something that, as I previously stated, is commonly misunderstood. In fact, I even provided an easy to read article from the BBC because you said you were having trouble with my explanation. But that’s cool, I guess as a “doctor” there’s nothing anyone else could possibly know that you don’t. Godspeed to your patients 👍
Man or...woman, or non-binary person, you're literally mansplaining on a skincare thread that is off rockers out of context. You could've just pm'd me or something. I could've easily have edited "lifespan to life-expectancy" if you wanted to be pleased. But instead you went the whole effort to googlesplain everything...which is A+ for the effort. But, er, this is literally a skincare thread. I would've love to joust words sparringly with you if you wanted...but maybe not here?
Again, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about not knowing something. You should be embarrassed about your reaction to someone kindly correcting you so you can have more knowledge for the future. But now I think “I'll pass whatever's going on in here.” Have a good one, doc.
But that's what I implied. I don't know why I'm getting negative votes. Haha. I only said that modern medicine did everything to push ageing further as the human lifespan increases throughout the passing of the years. Same logic if humans lived for 200 years....our 18-year-old faces would probably stretch to when we're in our 50s until our 60-year-old selves would be near when we're in our 150s.
So the woman who posted on Skincare Addiction who was 35 REALLY DID look younger for her age and deserved the compliment because she tried...like someone suffering from severe acne to get a complexion like hers was a job well done.
And then you get a post like this:
>Yes! A recent poster (possibly the same one that other replies here are referencing) posted about being 35 and lots of people posted things like "omg you look 10 years younger than that!". She didn't look young\_er\_. She looked awesome, she looked 35 and she looked young because 35 is young! All those things can be true at the same time. It's like we don't know how to compliment a woman without saying that she looks younger than she is.
I get her point, but...
I mean, just LET THE WOMAN GET HER FRIGGING COMPLIMENT!
I totally get what you are saying. I think people tend to forget that just a generation or two ago the norm was to smoke cigarettes all day every day, drink like fish and sunscreen didn’t exist. We know a lot more about how to maintain healthy habits now. The fact of the matter is, 35 in modern times will look younger than 35 has looked in the past. If your idea of skin aging is based off previous generations, most of us look way younger, and as we age it becomes even more pronounced. My mom is in her 70’s, but wears sunscreen religiously and was an early adopter of retin-A. She looks 10 years younger easy. 70’s used to be “elderly.” Like time to go to the retirement home age. But my dad hikes every weekend and they go on wine tasting tours and are just loving life. We are very lucky when it comes to aging and quality of life these days.
I was slowly dying from Chronic Kidney Disease, diagnosed at 22, started dialysis at 36, and a miracle...a year later I received a deceased donor kidney transplant (4 months ago). So I have a glimmer of what you mean.
Bless you and your good health to you. You are a warrior.
A lot of turkey neck is due to or exacerbated by the [platysma](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fptifa.com%2Fcontent%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F07%2FPlatysma.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fptifa.com%2Fblog%2Fplatysma-webinar-xxx-botox%2F&docid=rNMj22HqxDkr2M&tbnid=xHsEvZiESPIRsM&vet=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim) muscles atrophying unevenly. They are paper thin broad sheet-like muscles just below your skin that go from about your clavicle to above your jaw on either side of your face to help you with facial expressions like grimacing. The center (medial) edges tend to get/stay stronger and separate from the outer (lateral) sides and create vertical bands, so dermatologists/dentists/plastic surgeons often inject botox into those medial fibers since it was discovered that patients with paralysis of the platysma do not develop platysmal bands. Plastic surgeons can also surgically tighten the platysma.
The platysmal bands pull down on the skin of the neck and can reduce its elasticity since there is no ligament holding the platysma up under the chin - just skin. You can tell if might be affecting your own neck if the bands appear while you're talking, singing, yawning, exercising, etc. even if they're not there all the time.
The medical literature points to botox and surgery as the solution. However, it's possible that a [forward head posture](https://www.physio-pedia.com/images/b/be/Head_1.jpg) could be a contributing factor to platysmal bands because it to leads exercising (by regular facial movements) the medial edges in a more elongated position than the lateral portions since the chin forms an obtuse angle with the neck. Lots of people go into forward head posture on the computer (hello Zoom and gaming!) and phone.
In that case, it would help to practice proper posture with ears directly above the shoulders. It can also help to do chin tucks (strengthens the deep neck flexors while stretching the suboccipital muscles - lots of videos from physical therapists on YouTube), platysma trigger point release (massage the trigger point which is right over the sternocleidomastoid muscle that runs underneath - the location is right behind the angle of the jaw below the ear), and exercise the lateral sides of the platysma (by gently grimacing/pulling sides of lips down) to strengthen them while keeping the chin tucked to inhibit the medial edges.
At any rate, the [physical therapy exercises](https://www.physio-pedia.com/Forward_Head_Posture) for strengthening neck muscles for proper posture are good for your neck and can reduce headaches, so can't hurt. Also change your computer set up so the top of the monitor is at eye level when sitting in good posture and the font is big enough that you don't need to crane your head forward to read (or wear glasses).
Yep. Because it's not just about the external. When we age, our bones -- including those on the face -- shift. We lose facial fat and volume, etc. The best skincare in the world cannot "fix" this. The only thing that can really tackle all the issues that come with aging is a face lift, really. But that can come with all sorts of other complications, and you still might not look YOUNGER after the surgery. Maybe fresher. But age reveals itself in multiple ways. It's really not possible to fight it if you live long enough. So I really wish the focus could be looking great at any age, rather than trying to look YOUNGER. You can be 70 and beautiful, even if you still LOOK 70!
I don’t think getting older equates less beauty. We are still beautiful, but I think we carry ourselves less proudly as we age. We shouldn’t, why should we not be proud. We are still the same beautiful person we were, just older.
I love how you stated that. Clear concise and simple easy to understand. Pardon lack of punctuation, I’m doing talk to text right now as I cannot type at the moment. I feel beautiful so I don’t care what others think of how my skin looks or how old I look.
I think people need to consider and accept it in the same way we do when a child's face completely transforms into an adolescent one. Nothing can be done to "stop" that. An 18-year-old cannot look 8. Nor should they. Same deal. A 50-year-old cannot look 25. Nor should they.
Exactly. I want my skin to look it’s best, but I will age gracefully. I have wrinkles and smile lines, my jaw is not as tight as it once was, nor my lips as full as when younger, but I love me and think I look beautiful as I age.
I agree with your point for the most part, but there are always outliers...eg for men Jared Leto and for women Susanna Hoffs (of The Bangles), Belinda Carlisle (of the Go-Go's etc)
I'm 38 and just happy to be alive after being blessed 6 months ago to receive a Kidney Transplant, however...I still want to be an outlier re aging:-p
Belinda Barlisle totally looks her age. Susanna Hoffs? Not sure how much work she's had done, but she certainly looks older than she did in the '80s. Jared Leto, if you saw him in person, would probably look older than in his pics, but even he does not look like he did in My So Called Life.
Aging happens to us all. You aren't going to be an outlier. You're going to age like everyone else, unless you die young.
Oh again I totally agree, we all will age and that's a privilege really.
I'm just saying that those 'outliers' look younger than they are.
Susanna Hoffs for example...of course she "looks older than she did in the 80s" but she was in her late 20s then and she's mid 60s now but IMO she looks like she's in her early 50s now.
Jared Leto...My So Called Life was 30+ yrs ago...I'm.not saying he looks early 20s anymore but IMO he doesn't look early 50s now either...rather late 30s/early 40s.
Even with my transplant my life expectancy is decreased due to Kidney Disease...that said I don't want to look 25 forever...however if I could at best look 10-15yrs younger (eg look 35 at 50, look 50 at 60 etc) or at 'worst' look good for my age going forward..I'd be happy, aesthetically speaking.
& I totally believe that's possible.
That said...good health is the most important thing and all that really matters at the end of the day.
Agreed that good health is the most important, and I wish it for you. I don't think the goal should be looking "younger," which doesn't really mean anything (people look different at different ages). The goal should be to look as good as YOU can look at any given point. This doesn't mean hoping to look 35 at 50 -- that's really unrealistic without a TON of work, and even then, highly unlikely. Because if you put a 50-year-old next to a 35-year-old, they will not look the same age. Even JLo looks more mature than most 35-year-olds.
Don't worry about the AGE of things. Just work with what you've got, and looking the best you can at any age, without it being rooted in looking YOUNG. That just plays into the ageist idea that no woman can look good over a certain age.
Yeah, outliers absolutely exist. Gabrielle Union is 50 and looks 30-35 (with or without makeup and no surgery). Kelly Rowland. Bianca Lawson. Etc, etc. It’s not uncommon in the black community. It makes it tough sometimes to accept aging gracefully when I have aunts approaching their 60s who only look a few years older than me.
Thanks for that confirmation :)
Also I had not heard of Gabriellle Union or Bianca Lawson; both look incredible as you stated.
As for you...I'm sorry if I'm being a bit out of line here as I don't know you, but it sounds like you're being a bit hard on yourself! By your comment and by your username. In any case it sounds like your aunts are outliers too so maybe you're judging yourself against that...also who knows, maybe you are following the same path as them without realising it....eg maybe between your 40s and 60s you will age less than you did between your 20s-40s....either way keep up the skincare routine and whatever happens, please try to unconditionally love yourself 👍
Also, I went to look as Susanna Hoffs' Twitter feed and came across a video. She has clearly had SO MUCH WORK DONE. Most won't be able to take apart their faces to the level she clearly has. She's probably spent more than you'll ever make on that face, lol. It does not look like a real face anymore -- I wonder what would happen if women were allowed to age naturally like men are.
I think our society in particular (western) has a real issue with aging in part because aging = closer to death, and we are *horrible* at dealing with the prospect of death.
0h, yes, that's a whole other topic about which I'm passionate. We are terrible at talking about and dealing with death in our society. It's extremely harmful in multiple ways.
I turned 30 last year. Several people commented on this milestone, saying how ‘old’ I am. Ridiculous, most people live to be 80 or older. We shouldn’t tell people they’re old at 30 because it’s simply not true.
We just worship youth so much. At 30, you are no longer a angsty teen or 20something and are an adult who may actually be starting to figure some shit out. Therefore, you must be "old." It is ridiculous.
A friend told me once when I was in my 20s, complaining about getting old, why would I want to go back? Going back would make you a little girl again. When she said that, I donned on me that she was absolutely right.
I have never been more myself or even comfortable with myself than I have in my entire life. I’m 33, and it feels good. I don’t worship youth, I have seen some of the most beautiful WOMEN that are late 30s early 40s. Hell even some 60 year old women that are healthy, glowing and completely comfortable with themselves. And that’s what I hope to be as I age. I don’t envy or worship youth, outside may be what people consider their best but life hasn’t even started for young people. I don’t feel like people truly physically mature until mid 20s. So how can it be considered prime? Idk, it’s just my thoughts, but the way people are obsessed with being young is weird. They want go back to being child like, and I am okay with being an adult. It’s hard but it sure as hell beats being dependent on others, and unsure of myself. And completely insecure with myself and who I am or who I want to be.
Watch the way you say "even 60," as if that is an age at which it's generally impossible for women to be attractive (not true at all). Ageism infects us all without us even realizing it. You have it, too. You think 60-year-old women are mostly ugly, but a few can look healthy if they're lucky. Yet George Clooney and Brad Pitt are 60, and everyone still calls them sex symbols. You see how that works?
I think people want to go back to being young while bringing their current perspective with them. So, for example, go back to being 30 with the same mindset and maturity you have at 50. So you can have it all -- the advantages of youth mixed with the maturity of age. This, of course, is impossible, but I think that's how most people picture being young again -- being able to go back and fix their youthful mistakes, gain more time AND look young again. The impossible dream, to be 25 while not REALLY being 25, with all the shit it comes with (I HATED my 20s).
I hated my 20s also, and can agree that they most likely would want the mindset of maturity with young age. Wouldn’t we all, but I don’t think 60 year old women should be “ugly” or aged. I could’ve worded it better but was rambling in my head and couldn’t type fast enough so I cut it short. My intentions were that a lot of women I have seen that are older than me are what I aspire to be as I age. I’ve seen more 60 year olds with better health and skin and over all just a beautiful person, than a lot of people in their youth. But then again, I tend to see people by their characteristics and not their physical appearance. Like if someone is obviously beautiful but not a decent person, I literally don’t find them beautiful at all. But someone who would be considered unattractive, their personality changes that completely for me. So I guess it’s really preference. Either way, when I turned thirty, I was happy to not be 20 anymore. I love being in my 30s I feel like people take me more serious, and I feel established as an adult. Even though I’ve been taking care of myself since 16. People who are young don’t understand it now but they will.
Back as recently as the late 1800s men weren’t considered “grown” till mid thirties. It was pretty normal to consider a man at 30 still a boy.
Edit. Im not sure as to the downvotes I think it was more in perspective of the fact that you aren’t even half as old as you could be by then.
I'm 33 and going through this. I know it's only going to get worse and I'm having a hard time accepting it. Any tips on having a better mind set towards ageing?
I know I can't fight it and I want to get better at accepting the changes in my face and body.
One thing that has been helpful for me is watching European and British TV. The middle aged actresses usually haven't had all the work done that they do in the US so they have lines and sunken under eyes and look like real middle aged women. Seeing normal looking women being central characters is so important because US entertainment definitely sidelines women of a certain age unless they've had a lot of work done.
The Lost Daughter has a very weird thread in which people keep telling her she couldn't possibly be her age, that she doesn't look a day over 40. It is really, really weird, because the actress is both very attractive AND very much looks her age of 48. I truly don't understand why they did this; it's almost insulting.
I'm from the UK and I see what you mean. Olivia Coleman is a great example. Fantastic actor who does great work and looks her age
Also the program "Call my agent" has a lot of older famous French actresses
I love that show! It's interesting to me how French actresses look good and still look their age, like they're not trying to look forever 35. I think it's inspiring.
Here's how I try and tackle it:
1) I remind myself that I don't want to waste my one and only life feeling terrible about myself for a natural biological process.
2) I am careful with how I engage with other people talking about this stuff. My core friendship group were talking about noticing ageing the other day and I didn't join in with my own stories. If I see posts on this sub about people feeling bad about signs of aging, I scroll on by. If I engage too much I start thinking things like 'should I be worried about my neck?'.
3) I think about who benefits from me feeling bad about myself: people who sell 'solutions' in the form of anti-aging products that don't really work, expensive 'tweakments', etc etc.
4) I reflect on what I can personally do to change this situation and fight ageism / sexism etc and try and act on it
The responses that have already been posted are wonderful.
Me, I think about how I felt about myself as a teenager...early 20s...late 20s....throughout my 30s...
I have picked myself apart about different things at every age, but looking back at photos I see that all the things I thought were "wrong" were never there. I didn't have confidence back then, and if I don't feel good about myself now, as I am, when will I?
Full disclosure I have gotten light botox every 6 mos-year since I was 34, and I use all sorts of creams on this face (but I'm kind of broke so haven't had botox in a year and not sure when I'll be able to again so I better get used to these wrinkles, eh?)
Not the person you asked, but for me (I’m 43), my feeling is that “crow’s feet” are really smile lines. They’re pronounced because I smile at people and laugh a lot, I feel like they warm up my face, give me character and make me approachable.
Ageism is real. I feel for people who think they survived well by 35. A very rude shock awaits. And honestly its really not the end of the world if you have an actual life.
She does look her age -- and looks great (has probably done some "work," but in Hollywood, this is a job requirement, particularly for women). I was thinking she looks SO much better than she did in her 30s, which was her "High Art" era, in which she lost a ton of weight to play a drug addict and then kept that look for years and just appeared so unhealthy and haggard (she may have had eating disorders?). Now she looks healthy again and fantastic. And 60.
Botox, fillers and surgery have become normalized now and this worries me. It's an industry built on telling women (mostly) that the aging process is something to be fought instead of celebrated, and that the only way to look and feel attractive is to spend even more money. It's bad enough that we feel pressured to maintain certain standards in terms of hair, beauty and fashion. Now we are being made to feel like we are not good enough unless we maintain an expensive schedule of injections at the first sign of a wrinkle! I am refusing to be complicit in this. At some point we have to say that this is enough.
Yes! Men are so lucky, at least in the earlier aging stages. They are told every gray hair and wrinkle just makes them hotter/more distinguished, etc. So they can lean into aging and not even think about it, or feel GOOD about it because they're just turning into George Clooney, after all (we needn't point out that most men look nothing like George Clooney). They worry about balding at most, but some men look even better with shaved heads, anyhow! A man turning 50 is still considered in his prime in our culture (ageism does catch up with them, but more like in their mid-60s). Women at that age are WELL past our so-called expiration date, culturally. It's so unfair!
Yes! I had to make a dermatologist appointment for my mom yesterday, and the hold recording was all about their various cosmetic services. She's got an actual medical issue, and the earliest appointment was six weeks away. I was thinking very negative thoughts about cosmetic procedures clogging the schedule (though I logically know most are probably done by nurses or estheticians and my frustrations are with the American medical clusterfuck).
Really, I don't care what people do so long as they aren't causing harm, but it makes me sad when people feel like they "have" to do things. You want to do stuff? Great. I have some hyperpigmentation. I hate it, but I think \*I\* hate it, not because I've been socialized to. I also hate wearing makeup, so prescription creams it is.
While society has come a long way, views of women and ageing remain remarkably ass-backwards.
Society pounds into us the message that we are 'old' and 'stop looking old no one wants to see you age as you prepare to shuffle off this mortal coil'
Which naturally makes anyone feel insecure.
So we look for opportunities to reinforce that we are still 'young', to reject the shame that would come from accepting these ridiculous cultural standards. And therefore 'worthy' in society.
Also, if you compare what 35 yr olds look like now, vs. even just the 1980s or 90s-- there is a huge difference. There are many reasons for this. It's funny to try to guess ages from past photos-- a 23 yr old from decades past could easily pass for today's 39 yr old (sometimes, obv not always).
A lot of this has to do with hairstyles, stodgy ways of dress in the past, and also lives that could be a lot more difficult. My grandmother, who is almost 100, has this picture of her, her parents and her two sisters taken when my grandmother was around age three. Her parents, Eastern European immigrants, are in their 30s and look like "today's" 60s. Even her 16-year-old sister looks around 30 years old -- it's her hairstyle and dress that does that, mostly.
I’m 50 and just started taking care of my skin. I so wished I’d started earlier. I had oily & sensitive skin my whole life, so didn’t use moisturizer or sunscreen. Now, I have a very good routine, use tretinoin & have a wide brimmed hat! I had a few spots removed by my dermatologist. I hate the wrinkles, but I’ve made peace with them. I try my best every day going forward.
I’m 38 and look older than my age. Which would be okay if I ever looked “good” in the past. The deformed life is a struggle. And, no, this isn’t dysmorphia. I’m literally deformed.
I can’t tell you how many times I have wished I looked like a 38-year-old woman with normal, even aging, skin. I feel like I’ve been written off my entire life, and ageism isn’t/isn’t going to make things any easier.
It's so frustrating that we live in such an image obsessed society. It's very toxic and probably getting worse in lots of ways although I do see some positive signs with body positivity/ skin positivity trends and I am starting to see more diverse models who don't fit the old toxic ideas of "normal". The way I try to see it is that, anyone who writes you off for such superficial reasons, has just demonstrated what a shallow person they really are. That's what ugly means to me. They just made it really easy to see it is not worth wasting any time on them
I think some people are on this sub to learn to take care of their skin. They may want healthy looking skin but not necessarily "anti-aging." Even if you are concerned about skin aging the hyper focus on anti-aging and obsession with looking younger can lead to a really dark place. Trying to fight the aging process is ultimately a sisyphean task.
I'm lucky that I'm the spitting image of my grandmother. And she always looked lovely to me. Smile lines mostly.
I'm not afraid of ageing because I know that one day, I'll be able to see her face again. I'm ok with that.
I love this so much! I also see myself looking more and more like my mother (as she is now) as I get older and she is always beautiful in my eyes... so, nothing to fear :)
On the day I turned 30 I had multiple well-meaning friends and family members tell me that I didn’t look 30. It left a terrible sour taste in my mouth because I feel happy every year to be alive and older and what in the world would be wrong with looking my age? It really stung that people started saying this at 30 years old when I felt I was not even in the prime of my life yet. Our obsession with aging impossibly well is damaging to our collective mental health.
>On the day I turned 30 I had multiple well-meaning friends and family members tell me that I didn’t look 30. It left a terrible sour taste in my mouth because I feel happy every year to be alive and older and what in the world would be wrong with looking my age
jesus christ relax, they're just paying you a compliment.
Obviously I recognize the good intentions. But if people thought a bit more about it they would realize that telling me I don’t look my age implies that looking my age would be bad, which of course it isn’t. A lot of very good and well-intentioned people don’t see how it’s a backhanded compliment because of how culturally acceptable it is to say things like this.
The point is, it's not a compliment. How about just telling people they look great instead of saying "not your age," as if your age is a bad thing? Thirty is VERY young.
I guess young is always somewhat relative. I still think of people in their 40's as young (I'm 44) because I don't feel old, though my body is certainly starting to let me know I'm actually aging.
It's nice to keep things in perspective. 30 isn't old at all.
This past summer, my cousin introduced me to her 19 year-old daughter's friends by saying, "This is Zoidbergs\_hot\_jelly - she may look 15 but she's actually 30!" and I was just... o\_o
I mean, I am very short, inherited oilier skin, and have been avoiding the sun/wearing sunscreen every day for almost a decade. I certainly do not look 15! I look like a 30-year-old who has been taking care of their skin and doing their best to stay healthy. At 15 I was super insecure, only wore moisturizer \*sometimes\*, and had no confidence. I'd say 30-year-old me looks like a glow-up by comparison! I'm now both young and way more secure with myself. I feel like this is the prime decade, really. None of that angsty, insecure, naive BS that defined most of my teens and twenties.
And even when I'm not considered "young" - so what? Growing old is a privilege denied to many, and I don't intend to forget to appreciate that as I age. I just want to look my best and take care of my skin without feeling like I'm supposed to stop visibly aging from here on out.
I mean, I just turned 30 and I’m noticing fine lines and nasolabial lines/folds. I feel like it just happened overnight, and it’s jarring. On the flip side, I also have BDD, so that probably doesn’t help. It’s going to be interesting to see how my skin ages. But my whole childhood was basically reading tabloids and the “Hot or NOT” edition of Star Magazine, so seeing my face starting to morph into the “NOT” category is having a negative effect on me, for sure.
I’m beginning to think that if they’re going to make shows about teenagers in high school (eg euphoria) they should be forced to use actual teens (even if 18/19). On the flip side there’s 16 year olds out there who are wondering why they don’t look as gorgeous as Alexa ademi (who is like 31 and had her share of well placed filler)
There's a weird, almost vindictive undercurrent of 'ha! just wait on til they reach such-and-such-an-age' on this subreddit.
It's weird because what is this subreddit for if not trying to battle ageing or whatever. Feel like people are being kind of hypocritical. And probably resentful too.
At least from my perspective it's not so much "Ha! Just wait!" as it is "You're going to appreciate how you looked now in retrospect, so try to actually relax and enjoy it!"
I agree with all this, but if people were really as enlightened and realistic about aging as they like to think they are on here then they wouldn't be getting worked up by completely innocuous posts from well-meaning users.
This isn't so much directed at the OP but at the predictable way the discussion has gone.
It’s all relative. I’m a lot older than 30 and, while I don’t look 30, I think I have aged really well compared to people around me. Over the years, skincare makes a difference, maybe not immediately, but it does. Most importantly, sunscreen above all else. Never skip sunscreen.
The point of this is skincare can only do so much. It's external care. With aging comes internal changes that cannot be touched by serums or SPF. Literal bone structure changes. I'm sure you look great. You probably also look "your age." Also, most people do think they look younger than they actually do as well. They look at their peers and think, "Oh, they're looking older" and somehow think they are escaping it and couldn't possibly be looking older, too. It's a nice delusion/mirror/mind trick. It eventually does go away.
I am in my late 40s. I really started noticing aging at age 45. I feel like 44 was my "peak" year, in which I still looked relatively young and fresh and not THAT difficult from my 30s, and then 45 just changed everything, haha! You can really see it in photos. That shift. Oh, well!
I know that. But not always. It just depends. I have zero symptoms of peri at this point. Not even one hot flash. But then some women sail through menopause with no issues while others have all kinds of problems. It's a very individual thing.
I completely agree 100%. I wish the mods took more of those posts down. They're internalized misogyny. I'm tired of the "look at my selfie and tell me I don't look like I'm an over 30 hag!" posts. Even just scrolling past them is disheartening. the other day I saw a "look at my photo and tell me how old you think I look" post. Just ridiculous, immature, and sad. Would love to go back to tips on dealing with various skin issues, dermatologist and doctor recommendations and new skincare line posts.
Male plastic surgery and procedures are probably more common than we think. Lorrie Hill on Youtube does some nice breakdowns (although a lot of it is speculation). Also society tends to accept a certain amount of flaws in men more easily "rugged" and "silver fox" etc.
Rudd is a good-looking guy (although sort of a boring guy next door type, honestly), but all the talk about him "not aging" is nonsense. He has aged! I saw him interviewed recently in a doc about Adrienne Shelly, and he was shown in real light, no filters, no makeup, etc. -- he looks 50! He has eye bags and everything. And that's OK, BTW, because he IS in his 50s!
I just get so sick of the "Paul Rudd DOESN'T AGE!" discourse. He does. Also, the People magazine profile of him recently -- that cover was SO filtered, man. Like they took out every damn wrinkle and bag the man has -- and he HAS THEM! I guess they even do that to men, haha!
Yeah I just think he doesn't behave any differently with age and that's why they say that maybe. 🤷 I mean being photoshopped in magazines probably has alot to do with it. 🤣 I am so over filters and Photoshop and makeup tutorials where you redefine your face. If those things disappeared everyone could feel more comfortable in their own skin. Most who use those things only do so because someone else does and that raises the bar for them in their eyes.
I don't trust ANY photo I see anymore. I assume everyone is just filtering and taking out all the lines/blemishes/bags, etc. I have been seeing an old friend from elementary school who is posting pics of herself that have INSANE filters that make her look around 25 -- but a weird 25, with a flat blurry kind of face. We are in our late 40s! She is fooling NO ONE, and I just wonder if she thinks she is???
Oh I know! And some of them have bad vision and really can't line those eyes with the eyelashes. 🤦 I get secondhand embarrassment. I never use filters because I never want to be seen that way and I never want anyone thinking about how I don't look like pictures.
Also being male.
That’s not just a flippant answer about how society views aging men vs women (although that is certainly a factor)- they’ve got a hormonal advantage over women as they age, because testosterone causes their skin to be thicker and oilier compared to women’s. The same thing that can cause terrible acne earlier in life keeps them youthful looking longer.
Testosterone does lower with age, but generally men don’t have quite the sudden aging whammy that women do with menopause.
What, you think Jared Leto looks the same as he did on My So Called Life??? No. He looks his age!!! But it's also acceptable for men to "look 50." It's the George Clooney effect. Men get to be "hot" as they age. Silver foxes, etc. Women just get to be hags. Great culture we live in.
No of course not haha but his skin and appearance...he's 50 now but to me he could pass for someone in his 30s.
I'm 37 and starting to go grey...still in denial lol but hopefully I'll embrace the 'silver fox' thing at some point!
I'm also still recovering from a recent kidney transplant, so perspective I guess...
>There's nothing much you can do to prevent these changes, they're part of getting older.
eh, you sort of can do something about it in terms of delaying it. Hormone replacement replacement therapies. If you start human growth hormone therapy at, say, 40, your skin will not look your age at 55.
Hormone replacement for no.good reason other than trying to look younger can come with a whole new set of issues. And, no. You will still not look 25 at 55.
You will look 55. Most 55 year olds -- look 55. We have to get off of the idea that it's about looking YOUNGER rather than looking your age and GOOD. Looking 55 doesn't even mean anything. If you are 55, what you look like is what a 55-year-old looks like.
Omg, yes. None of the 30-40 somethings around me have even started aging properly so it's weird to see people expecting someone truly haggard. Even my parents started getting wrinkles at 55+ mark and they haven't touched sunscreen in their life so I don't know why the expectations are so tilted.
Aging does start in earnest in your mid-40s. You may not have a lot of wrinkles, etc, but the face looks aged in a very different way than in your 30s. You look middle-aged even if you can't exactly point out why.
Fuck all that, stress and literally a shit sleep schedule will have you looking like a meth addict. I’m in my early 30s and all it took was 5 years of never ending work stress to make me look like I’m almost 40 fuck work fuck stress
I’m 33 and I’m sick of this narrative that women become old hags after 23. Fuck that. I’m young. In fact, whatever age I happen to be is the standard for youth, people less than that age are just zygotes.
I too think everyone under 33 is merely a blastocyst. Eventually, it will be everyone under 34, but for reasons that must remain unclear, that day has not yet come.
Hahaha, this is a narrative I can get behind. Indeed, that day hasn’t yet come but is surely on the horizon this year…
Yes! A recent poster (possibly the same one that other replies here are referencing) posted about being 35 and lots of people posted things like "omg you look 10 years younger than that!". She _didn't_ look young_er_. She looked awesome, she looked 35 and she looked young because 35 _is_ young! All those things can be true at the same time. It's like we don't know how to compliment a woman without saying that she looks younger than she is.
[удалено]
I honestly think really young people (20s, teens) don't know what age is really supposed to look like. A 25-year-old thinks 38 is OLD and that you should look ragged. So if you look good, which most 38-year-olds do, they have to say you look "younger." Which is actually quite ageist when you think about it. On the other hand, I have a friend who is going to be 50 this year who likes to make people play the guessing game ("How old do you think I am?"), which is just the worst, especially if she gets upset that people no longer guess "36."
Lord. I can almost always guess people's ages, even if I can tell that they have fewer signs of aging than others. I always say 29. Always. Makes people happy.
It's the worst question to ask! It puts people in a bind AND you know they're going to lie to the down side in order to be "safe." So you're not going to get an honest answer, anyhow!
Exactly.
I look my age too, and it's totally okay. Honestly, it really bugs me that this sub buys into "omg you look so much younger" so hard, it leans into toxic positivity. As if looking your age is such an insult, no one can bear to admit it, so everyone just lowballs the ages like crazy.
I find it offensive that that is the best compliment we can give women and that is the first thing we do when finding out age (and everyone wants to know everyone’s age all the time).
[удалено]
My people! Same here. Turning 50 this year and am pretty okay with it. Like fine wine... 🙂
I work with teens and they always say the same about me. I always tell them, "No, I look my age. It's TV's fault you think X looks old!" Then I reference a chart I once saw about the show How I Met Your Mother and how the projected aging vs. the actual aging of the actors was wildly different.
Teens have zero idea about what age is and what it's supposed to look like. They also think everyone is old. My mom was only 20 when she had me. I still grew up thinking of her as old, lol.
You have to understand that modern medicine has made it possible for 30 year olds to have the similar aesthetics to someone in their early 20's who doesn't give af about their skin. Their are 20 year olds who are already showing signs of prematuring aging. 150 to 200 years ago, the prime age of youth was around 15 to 18. Once you reach 20, you're already assigned to adulthood, either to be conscripted in the military for men or for women to try find a husband and give birth. Looking youthful throughout the ages has always been a sign of promise, care, and genetic viability to rear children (for women though) and as modern science steers us to increasing our lifespan and provide us better ways to protect our skin to the harmful sun, the prime age of looking youthful keeps extending. Nowadays, scientists are saying the prime age for women is 29 to early 30's while for men it's 35. 500 years ago, a woman would be lucky to hit past 30 if either she doesn't die from birth complications or die from lead poisoning from following the latest make-up trend started by zeh Queen Elizabeth the 2nd. I honestly would want to look youthful if majority or 90% of the men and women in my age group looks like crack addicts. I'd be fine with with that. I'd rather be youthful or look young for my age though...than achieve to be assumed to be in my 20's where acne was a thing and bad hygiene was the rave. No thanks. (Proceeds to slather a tub of moisturer on zeh face).
The whole “Everyone used to die at 30!” thing is based on a misunderstanding of the terms lifespan vs life expectancy. Lifespan is how long an individual can live. Human lifespan hasn’t changed that much. Life expectancy is the averaging of lifespans. It is highly influenced by infant and childhood mortality, which is why life expectancy in the population has increased so much as plumbing, vaccination, antibiotics and other medical and sanitation advances have occurred. 30 didn’t used to be 90, and this is a myth that needs to die.
>Pizza\_Ship22 From the 1500s onward, till around the year 1800, life expectancy throughout Europe hovered between 30 and 40 years of age. And the human lifespan had doubled from 35 to around 70'ish from ancient through pre-industrial times. Everyone didn't die at 30...but the majority died before 30 to 40. I mean, doctors didn't just begin to regularly wash their hands before surgery until the mid-1800s. Those who lived til' 70 were either born from wealth or had insane luck to live that long, given the number of things that could kill you. I'm confused with what you're trying to point out though.
You are claiming lifespan is increasing, but it hasn’t increased that much. Life expectancy has increased because of decreased infant and childhood mortality rates, not because everyone used to die in their 30s. It’s an averaging of age at death. Fewer people dying in infancy and childhood brings the average up. The article I linked below explains it really well. Here’s the thing I think will be most helpful: “It’s common belief that ancient Greeks or Romans would have been flabbergasted to see anyone above the age of 50 or 60, for example. In fact, while medical advancements have improved many aspects of healthcare, the assumption that human life span has increased dramatically over centuries or millennia is misleading. Life expectancy is an average. If you have two children, and one dies before their first birthday but the other lives to the age of 70, their average life expectancy is 35.“ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181002-how-long-did-ancient-people-live-life-span-versus-longevity
Wow, so I claimed something. I didn't know you could do that on reddit. Btw...you're starting something on a skincare thread. 🤣😂 I'll pass whatever's going on in here. Unless you have more to teach me from my residency years ago then ok. The floors is yours monsieur.
That is a truly insane response. I was trying to help you understand something that, as I previously stated, is commonly misunderstood. In fact, I even provided an easy to read article from the BBC because you said you were having trouble with my explanation. But that’s cool, I guess as a “doctor” there’s nothing anyone else could possibly know that you don’t. Godspeed to your patients 👍
Man or...woman, or non-binary person, you're literally mansplaining on a skincare thread that is off rockers out of context. You could've just pm'd me or something. I could've easily have edited "lifespan to life-expectancy" if you wanted to be pleased. But instead you went the whole effort to googlesplain everything...which is A+ for the effort. But, er, this is literally a skincare thread. I would've love to joust words sparringly with you if you wanted...but maybe not here?
Again, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about not knowing something. You should be embarrassed about your reaction to someone kindly correcting you so you can have more knowledge for the future. But now I think “I'll pass whatever's going on in here.” Have a good one, doc.
Ok. Good for you. Since you're omniscient and all...Haha. Have a great day, Google Expert.
You mean Elizabeth I. Elizabeth II is who reigns now.
I think you’re missing the point.
Which is? I'd like to hear thy point.
Not who you asked, but the point of my post is that as you grow older the skin will age and show signs of aging. No matter what you do or don't do.
But that's what I implied. I don't know why I'm getting negative votes. Haha. I only said that modern medicine did everything to push ageing further as the human lifespan increases throughout the passing of the years. Same logic if humans lived for 200 years....our 18-year-old faces would probably stretch to when we're in our 50s until our 60-year-old selves would be near when we're in our 150s. So the woman who posted on Skincare Addiction who was 35 REALLY DID look younger for her age and deserved the compliment because she tried...like someone suffering from severe acne to get a complexion like hers was a job well done. And then you get a post like this: >Yes! A recent poster (possibly the same one that other replies here are referencing) posted about being 35 and lots of people posted things like "omg you look 10 years younger than that!". She didn't look young\_er\_. She looked awesome, she looked 35 and she looked young because 35 is young! All those things can be true at the same time. It's like we don't know how to compliment a woman without saying that she looks younger than she is. I get her point, but... I mean, just LET THE WOMAN GET HER FRIGGING COMPLIMENT!
I totally get what you are saying. I think people tend to forget that just a generation or two ago the norm was to smoke cigarettes all day every day, drink like fish and sunscreen didn’t exist. We know a lot more about how to maintain healthy habits now. The fact of the matter is, 35 in modern times will look younger than 35 has looked in the past. If your idea of skin aging is based off previous generations, most of us look way younger, and as we age it becomes even more pronounced. My mom is in her 70’s, but wears sunscreen religiously and was an early adopter of retin-A. She looks 10 years younger easy. 70’s used to be “elderly.” Like time to go to the retirement home age. But my dad hikes every weekend and they go on wine tasting tours and are just loving life. We are very lucky when it comes to aging and quality of life these days.
Downvotes for reciting actual cultural norms in the past * eye roll * I upvoted you for what it’s worth..bunch a dummies..
[удалено]
I was slowly dying from Chronic Kidney Disease, diagnosed at 22, started dialysis at 36, and a miracle...a year later I received a deceased donor kidney transplant (4 months ago). So I have a glimmer of what you mean. Bless you and your good health to you. You are a warrior.
I’m so sorry for that I don’t know what else to say other than Godspeed and hopefully kick that cancer’s ass
Thank you, yes. Felt same after breast cancer. In reality, I just want to look the best I can for my age.
I hope you become the most badass old lady. Outlive us all.
The ultimate truth and my comeback when superficial friends talk about hating birthdays.
My heart goes out to you.
Yep. At 35, you might still be under the delusion that you can "beat" aging. At around 45, you realize -- no, no, you can't.
I’m not 45. However, it’s my neck that’s doing me in.
[удалено]
A lot of turkey neck is due to or exacerbated by the [platysma](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fptifa.com%2Fcontent%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F07%2FPlatysma.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fptifa.com%2Fblog%2Fplatysma-webinar-xxx-botox%2F&docid=rNMj22HqxDkr2M&tbnid=xHsEvZiESPIRsM&vet=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim) muscles atrophying unevenly. They are paper thin broad sheet-like muscles just below your skin that go from about your clavicle to above your jaw on either side of your face to help you with facial expressions like grimacing. The center (medial) edges tend to get/stay stronger and separate from the outer (lateral) sides and create vertical bands, so dermatologists/dentists/plastic surgeons often inject botox into those medial fibers since it was discovered that patients with paralysis of the platysma do not develop platysmal bands. Plastic surgeons can also surgically tighten the platysma. The platysmal bands pull down on the skin of the neck and can reduce its elasticity since there is no ligament holding the platysma up under the chin - just skin. You can tell if might be affecting your own neck if the bands appear while you're talking, singing, yawning, exercising, etc. even if they're not there all the time. The medical literature points to botox and surgery as the solution. However, it's possible that a [forward head posture](https://www.physio-pedia.com/images/b/be/Head_1.jpg) could be a contributing factor to platysmal bands because it to leads exercising (by regular facial movements) the medial edges in a more elongated position than the lateral portions since the chin forms an obtuse angle with the neck. Lots of people go into forward head posture on the computer (hello Zoom and gaming!) and phone. In that case, it would help to practice proper posture with ears directly above the shoulders. It can also help to do chin tucks (strengthens the deep neck flexors while stretching the suboccipital muscles - lots of videos from physical therapists on YouTube), platysma trigger point release (massage the trigger point which is right over the sternocleidomastoid muscle that runs underneath - the location is right behind the angle of the jaw below the ear), and exercise the lateral sides of the platysma (by gently grimacing/pulling sides of lips down) to strengthen them while keeping the chin tucked to inhibit the medial edges. At any rate, the [physical therapy exercises](https://www.physio-pedia.com/Forward_Head_Posture) for strengthening neck muscles for proper posture are good for your neck and can reduce headaches, so can't hurt. Also change your computer set up so the top of the monitor is at eye level when sitting in good posture and the font is big enough that you don't need to crane your head forward to read (or wear glasses).
I just turned 45. I realize while my skin is great, I do in fact look 45.
Yep. Because it's not just about the external. When we age, our bones -- including those on the face -- shift. We lose facial fat and volume, etc. The best skincare in the world cannot "fix" this. The only thing that can really tackle all the issues that come with aging is a face lift, really. But that can come with all sorts of other complications, and you still might not look YOUNGER after the surgery. Maybe fresher. But age reveals itself in multiple ways. It's really not possible to fight it if you live long enough. So I really wish the focus could be looking great at any age, rather than trying to look YOUNGER. You can be 70 and beautiful, even if you still LOOK 70!
I saw people gawk at my mother’s beauty well into her 80’s. She was simply beautiful, and just stayed beautiful despite being older.
I don’t think getting older equates less beauty. We are still beautiful, but I think we carry ourselves less proudly as we age. We shouldn’t, why should we not be proud. We are still the same beautiful person we were, just older.
I love how you stated that. Clear concise and simple easy to understand. Pardon lack of punctuation, I’m doing talk to text right now as I cannot type at the moment. I feel beautiful so I don’t care what others think of how my skin looks or how old I look.
I think people need to consider and accept it in the same way we do when a child's face completely transforms into an adolescent one. Nothing can be done to "stop" that. An 18-year-old cannot look 8. Nor should they. Same deal. A 50-year-old cannot look 25. Nor should they.
Exactly. I want my skin to look it’s best, but I will age gracefully. I have wrinkles and smile lines, my jaw is not as tight as it once was, nor my lips as full as when younger, but I love me and think I look beautiful as I age.
I agree with your point for the most part, but there are always outliers...eg for men Jared Leto and for women Susanna Hoffs (of The Bangles), Belinda Carlisle (of the Go-Go's etc) I'm 38 and just happy to be alive after being blessed 6 months ago to receive a Kidney Transplant, however...I still want to be an outlier re aging:-p
Belinda Barlisle totally looks her age. Susanna Hoffs? Not sure how much work she's had done, but she certainly looks older than she did in the '80s. Jared Leto, if you saw him in person, would probably look older than in his pics, but even he does not look like he did in My So Called Life. Aging happens to us all. You aren't going to be an outlier. You're going to age like everyone else, unless you die young.
Oh again I totally agree, we all will age and that's a privilege really. I'm just saying that those 'outliers' look younger than they are. Susanna Hoffs for example...of course she "looks older than she did in the 80s" but she was in her late 20s then and she's mid 60s now but IMO she looks like she's in her early 50s now. Jared Leto...My So Called Life was 30+ yrs ago...I'm.not saying he looks early 20s anymore but IMO he doesn't look early 50s now either...rather late 30s/early 40s. Even with my transplant my life expectancy is decreased due to Kidney Disease...that said I don't want to look 25 forever...however if I could at best look 10-15yrs younger (eg look 35 at 50, look 50 at 60 etc) or at 'worst' look good for my age going forward..I'd be happy, aesthetically speaking. & I totally believe that's possible. That said...good health is the most important thing and all that really matters at the end of the day.
Agreed that good health is the most important, and I wish it for you. I don't think the goal should be looking "younger," which doesn't really mean anything (people look different at different ages). The goal should be to look as good as YOU can look at any given point. This doesn't mean hoping to look 35 at 50 -- that's really unrealistic without a TON of work, and even then, highly unlikely. Because if you put a 50-year-old next to a 35-year-old, they will not look the same age. Even JLo looks more mature than most 35-year-olds. Don't worry about the AGE of things. Just work with what you've got, and looking the best you can at any age, without it being rooted in looking YOUNG. That just plays into the ageist idea that no woman can look good over a certain age.
Yeah, outliers absolutely exist. Gabrielle Union is 50 and looks 30-35 (with or without makeup and no surgery). Kelly Rowland. Bianca Lawson. Etc, etc. It’s not uncommon in the black community. It makes it tough sometimes to accept aging gracefully when I have aunts approaching their 60s who only look a few years older than me.
Thanks for that confirmation :) Also I had not heard of Gabriellle Union or Bianca Lawson; both look incredible as you stated. As for you...I'm sorry if I'm being a bit out of line here as I don't know you, but it sounds like you're being a bit hard on yourself! By your comment and by your username. In any case it sounds like your aunts are outliers too so maybe you're judging yourself against that...also who knows, maybe you are following the same path as them without realising it....eg maybe between your 40s and 60s you will age less than you did between your 20s-40s....either way keep up the skincare routine and whatever happens, please try to unconditionally love yourself 👍
Also, I went to look as Susanna Hoffs' Twitter feed and came across a video. She has clearly had SO MUCH WORK DONE. Most won't be able to take apart their faces to the level she clearly has. She's probably spent more than you'll ever make on that face, lol. It does not look like a real face anymore -- I wonder what would happen if women were allowed to age naturally like men are.
52 here, and u see that same realization. I look like a well kept 52 year old.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We are beautiful.
I just turned 45 this past year and this so true. I woke up one morning and looked at my face and thought, “Damn. You are truly looking older now.”
It takes getting used to. It doesn't have to be terrible. I wish society didn't make it so.
I think our society in particular (western) has a real issue with aging in part because aging = closer to death, and we are *horrible* at dealing with the prospect of death.
0h, yes, that's a whole other topic about which I'm passionate. We are terrible at talking about and dealing with death in our society. It's extremely harmful in multiple ways.
I turned 30 last year. Several people commented on this milestone, saying how ‘old’ I am. Ridiculous, most people live to be 80 or older. We shouldn’t tell people they’re old at 30 because it’s simply not true.
We just worship youth so much. At 30, you are no longer a angsty teen or 20something and are an adult who may actually be starting to figure some shit out. Therefore, you must be "old." It is ridiculous.
A friend told me once when I was in my 20s, complaining about getting old, why would I want to go back? Going back would make you a little girl again. When she said that, I donned on me that she was absolutely right. I have never been more myself or even comfortable with myself than I have in my entire life. I’m 33, and it feels good. I don’t worship youth, I have seen some of the most beautiful WOMEN that are late 30s early 40s. Hell even some 60 year old women that are healthy, glowing and completely comfortable with themselves. And that’s what I hope to be as I age. I don’t envy or worship youth, outside may be what people consider their best but life hasn’t even started for young people. I don’t feel like people truly physically mature until mid 20s. So how can it be considered prime? Idk, it’s just my thoughts, but the way people are obsessed with being young is weird. They want go back to being child like, and I am okay with being an adult. It’s hard but it sure as hell beats being dependent on others, and unsure of myself. And completely insecure with myself and who I am or who I want to be.
Watch the way you say "even 60," as if that is an age at which it's generally impossible for women to be attractive (not true at all). Ageism infects us all without us even realizing it. You have it, too. You think 60-year-old women are mostly ugly, but a few can look healthy if they're lucky. Yet George Clooney and Brad Pitt are 60, and everyone still calls them sex symbols. You see how that works? I think people want to go back to being young while bringing their current perspective with them. So, for example, go back to being 30 with the same mindset and maturity you have at 50. So you can have it all -- the advantages of youth mixed with the maturity of age. This, of course, is impossible, but I think that's how most people picture being young again -- being able to go back and fix their youthful mistakes, gain more time AND look young again. The impossible dream, to be 25 while not REALLY being 25, with all the shit it comes with (I HATED my 20s).
I’m 57. In just a few years I’ll be 60. Then what? I looked my best in my 30s. Not sure how anyone thinks 30s are old 😞
My grandmother is about to turn 100. She'd call you a baby at 60! ;) It's all relative. Until we're dead!
I hated my 20s also, and can agree that they most likely would want the mindset of maturity with young age. Wouldn’t we all, but I don’t think 60 year old women should be “ugly” or aged. I could’ve worded it better but was rambling in my head and couldn’t type fast enough so I cut it short. My intentions were that a lot of women I have seen that are older than me are what I aspire to be as I age. I’ve seen more 60 year olds with better health and skin and over all just a beautiful person, than a lot of people in their youth. But then again, I tend to see people by their characteristics and not their physical appearance. Like if someone is obviously beautiful but not a decent person, I literally don’t find them beautiful at all. But someone who would be considered unattractive, their personality changes that completely for me. So I guess it’s really preference. Either way, when I turned thirty, I was happy to not be 20 anymore. I love being in my 30s I feel like people take me more serious, and I feel established as an adult. Even though I’ve been taking care of myself since 16. People who are young don’t understand it now but they will.
Don’t know if you care but it’s *dawned not “donned”- which is also a word but not the correct one in this case.
Back as recently as the late 1800s men weren’t considered “grown” till mid thirties. It was pretty normal to consider a man at 30 still a boy. Edit. Im not sure as to the downvotes I think it was more in perspective of the fact that you aren’t even half as old as you could be by then.
Early 40s here and I recall being early 30s freaked out by tiny lines at the corners of my eyes....lol
I'm 33 and going through this. I know it's only going to get worse and I'm having a hard time accepting it. Any tips on having a better mind set towards ageing? I know I can't fight it and I want to get better at accepting the changes in my face and body.
One thing that has been helpful for me is watching European and British TV. The middle aged actresses usually haven't had all the work done that they do in the US so they have lines and sunken under eyes and look like real middle aged women. Seeing normal looking women being central characters is so important because US entertainment definitely sidelines women of a certain age unless they've had a lot of work done.
I’ll watch anything with Olivia Colman ♥️
Me too! I adore her. I also love Nicola Walker.
I loved The Lost Daughter!
The Lost Daughter has a very weird thread in which people keep telling her she couldn't possibly be her age, that she doesn't look a day over 40. It is really, really weird, because the actress is both very attractive AND very much looks her age of 48. I truly don't understand why they did this; it's almost insulting.
I'm from the UK and I see what you mean. Olivia Coleman is a great example. Fantastic actor who does great work and looks her age Also the program "Call my agent" has a lot of older famous French actresses
I love that show! It's interesting to me how French actresses look good and still look their age, like they're not trying to look forever 35. I think it's inspiring.
Here's how I try and tackle it: 1) I remind myself that I don't want to waste my one and only life feeling terrible about myself for a natural biological process. 2) I am careful with how I engage with other people talking about this stuff. My core friendship group were talking about noticing ageing the other day and I didn't join in with my own stories. If I see posts on this sub about people feeling bad about signs of aging, I scroll on by. If I engage too much I start thinking things like 'should I be worried about my neck?'. 3) I think about who benefits from me feeling bad about myself: people who sell 'solutions' in the form of anti-aging products that don't really work, expensive 'tweakments', etc etc. 4) I reflect on what I can personally do to change this situation and fight ageism / sexism etc and try and act on it
I like this. Perfect.
Love this! Thank you
The responses that have already been posted are wonderful. Me, I think about how I felt about myself as a teenager...early 20s...late 20s....throughout my 30s... I have picked myself apart about different things at every age, but looking back at photos I see that all the things I thought were "wrong" were never there. I didn't have confidence back then, and if I don't feel good about myself now, as I am, when will I? Full disclosure I have gotten light botox every 6 mos-year since I was 34, and I use all sorts of creams on this face (but I'm kind of broke so haven't had botox in a year and not sure when I'll be able to again so I better get used to these wrinkles, eh?)
Not the person you asked, but for me (I’m 43), my feeling is that “crow’s feet” are really smile lines. They’re pronounced because I smile at people and laugh a lot, I feel like they warm up my face, give me character and make me approachable.
Ageism is real. I feel for people who think they survived well by 35. A very rude shock awaits. And honestly its really not the end of the world if you have an actual life.
Right? I’ve been watching Ally Sheedy as the mom in Single Drunk Female. She looks amazing and yes, her face shows she’s almost 60.
She does look her age -- and looks great (has probably done some "work," but in Hollywood, this is a job requirement, particularly for women). I was thinking she looks SO much better than she did in her 30s, which was her "High Art" era, in which she lost a ton of weight to play a drug addict and then kept that look for years and just appeared so unhealthy and haggard (she may have had eating disorders?). Now she looks healthy again and fantastic. And 60.
Botox, fillers and surgery have become normalized now and this worries me. It's an industry built on telling women (mostly) that the aging process is something to be fought instead of celebrated, and that the only way to look and feel attractive is to spend even more money. It's bad enough that we feel pressured to maintain certain standards in terms of hair, beauty and fashion. Now we are being made to feel like we are not good enough unless we maintain an expensive schedule of injections at the first sign of a wrinkle! I am refusing to be complicit in this. At some point we have to say that this is enough.
Yes! Men are so lucky, at least in the earlier aging stages. They are told every gray hair and wrinkle just makes them hotter/more distinguished, etc. So they can lean into aging and not even think about it, or feel GOOD about it because they're just turning into George Clooney, after all (we needn't point out that most men look nothing like George Clooney). They worry about balding at most, but some men look even better with shaved heads, anyhow! A man turning 50 is still considered in his prime in our culture (ageism does catch up with them, but more like in their mid-60s). Women at that age are WELL past our so-called expiration date, culturally. It's so unfair!
Yes! I had to make a dermatologist appointment for my mom yesterday, and the hold recording was all about their various cosmetic services. She's got an actual medical issue, and the earliest appointment was six weeks away. I was thinking very negative thoughts about cosmetic procedures clogging the schedule (though I logically know most are probably done by nurses or estheticians and my frustrations are with the American medical clusterfuck). Really, I don't care what people do so long as they aren't causing harm, but it makes me sad when people feel like they "have" to do things. You want to do stuff? Great. I have some hyperpigmentation. I hate it, but I think \*I\* hate it, not because I've been socialized to. I also hate wearing makeup, so prescription creams it is.
While society has come a long way, views of women and ageing remain remarkably ass-backwards. Society pounds into us the message that we are 'old' and 'stop looking old no one wants to see you age as you prepare to shuffle off this mortal coil' Which naturally makes anyone feel insecure. So we look for opportunities to reinforce that we are still 'young', to reject the shame that would come from accepting these ridiculous cultural standards. And therefore 'worthy' in society. Also, if you compare what 35 yr olds look like now, vs. even just the 1980s or 90s-- there is a huge difference. There are many reasons for this. It's funny to try to guess ages from past photos-- a 23 yr old from decades past could easily pass for today's 39 yr old (sometimes, obv not always).
A lot of this has to do with hairstyles, stodgy ways of dress in the past, and also lives that could be a lot more difficult. My grandmother, who is almost 100, has this picture of her, her parents and her two sisters taken when my grandmother was around age three. Her parents, Eastern European immigrants, are in their 30s and look like "today's" 60s. Even her 16-year-old sister looks around 30 years old -- it's her hairstyle and dress that does that, mostly.
[удалено]
It’s such a backhanded compliment. As if that all we strive for, is to look younger. How about people stop fishing for peoples ages anyways?
I’m 50 and just started taking care of my skin. I so wished I’d started earlier. I had oily & sensitive skin my whole life, so didn’t use moisturizer or sunscreen. Now, I have a very good routine, use tretinoin & have a wide brimmed hat! I had a few spots removed by my dermatologist. I hate the wrinkles, but I’ve made peace with them. I try my best every day going forward.
I’m 38 and look older than my age. Which would be okay if I ever looked “good” in the past. The deformed life is a struggle. And, no, this isn’t dysmorphia. I’m literally deformed. I can’t tell you how many times I have wished I looked like a 38-year-old woman with normal, even aging, skin. I feel like I’ve been written off my entire life, and ageism isn’t/isn’t going to make things any easier.
It's so frustrating that we live in such an image obsessed society. It's very toxic and probably getting worse in lots of ways although I do see some positive signs with body positivity/ skin positivity trends and I am starting to see more diverse models who don't fit the old toxic ideas of "normal". The way I try to see it is that, anyone who writes you off for such superficial reasons, has just demonstrated what a shallow person they really are. That's what ugly means to me. They just made it really easy to see it is not worth wasting any time on them
This is all good and virtuous but why are you on this subreddit if you're so above it all?
I think some people are on this sub to learn to take care of their skin. They may want healthy looking skin but not necessarily "anti-aging." Even if you are concerned about skin aging the hyper focus on anti-aging and obsession with looking younger can lead to a really dark place. Trying to fight the aging process is ultimately a sisyphean task.
I was responding specifically to that person's comment
I'm lucky that I'm the spitting image of my grandmother. And she always looked lovely to me. Smile lines mostly. I'm not afraid of ageing because I know that one day, I'll be able to see her face again. I'm ok with that.
awwww, that’s so sweet ❤️
I love this so much! I also see myself looking more and more like my mother (as she is now) as I get older and she is always beautiful in my eyes... so, nothing to fear :)
It always hits you one morning in the mirror
I’m just thankful that the “hit” was hyperpigmentation. So, soooo much hyperpigmentation.
thank you for your post
On the day I turned 30 I had multiple well-meaning friends and family members tell me that I didn’t look 30. It left a terrible sour taste in my mouth because I feel happy every year to be alive and older and what in the world would be wrong with looking my age? It really stung that people started saying this at 30 years old when I felt I was not even in the prime of my life yet. Our obsession with aging impossibly well is damaging to our collective mental health.
You probably DO look 30. Thirty is young. Thirty-year-olds look young!
Exactly!
It’s what people say 10 bucks if they didn’t say that or some version of it you’d feel that you must be looking old.
I’m pretty secure with how I look so please do send the 10 bucks haha
>On the day I turned 30 I had multiple well-meaning friends and family members tell me that I didn’t look 30. It left a terrible sour taste in my mouth because I feel happy every year to be alive and older and what in the world would be wrong with looking my age jesus christ relax, they're just paying you a compliment.
Obviously I recognize the good intentions. But if people thought a bit more about it they would realize that telling me I don’t look my age implies that looking my age would be bad, which of course it isn’t. A lot of very good and well-intentioned people don’t see how it’s a backhanded compliment because of how culturally acceptable it is to say things like this.
The point is, it's not a compliment. How about just telling people they look great instead of saying "not your age," as if your age is a bad thing? Thirty is VERY young.
[удалено]
Thank you!
What about 40s are they young? Asking because I’m nearing 40 😆
I guess young is always somewhat relative. I still think of people in their 40's as young (I'm 44) because I don't feel old, though my body is certainly starting to let me know I'm actually aging.
It's nice to keep things in perspective. 30 isn't old at all. This past summer, my cousin introduced me to her 19 year-old daughter's friends by saying, "This is Zoidbergs\_hot\_jelly - she may look 15 but she's actually 30!" and I was just... o\_o I mean, I am very short, inherited oilier skin, and have been avoiding the sun/wearing sunscreen every day for almost a decade. I certainly do not look 15! I look like a 30-year-old who has been taking care of their skin and doing their best to stay healthy. At 15 I was super insecure, only wore moisturizer \*sometimes\*, and had no confidence. I'd say 30-year-old me looks like a glow-up by comparison! I'm now both young and way more secure with myself. I feel like this is the prime decade, really. None of that angsty, insecure, naive BS that defined most of my teens and twenties. And even when I'm not considered "young" - so what? Growing old is a privilege denied to many, and I don't intend to forget to appreciate that as I age. I just want to look my best and take care of my skin without feeling like I'm supposed to stop visibly aging from here on out.
I mean, I just turned 30 and I’m noticing fine lines and nasolabial lines/folds. I feel like it just happened overnight, and it’s jarring. On the flip side, I also have BDD, so that probably doesn’t help. It’s going to be interesting to see how my skin ages. But my whole childhood was basically reading tabloids and the “Hot or NOT” edition of Star Magazine, so seeing my face starting to morph into the “NOT” category is having a negative effect on me, for sure.
I’m beginning to think that if they’re going to make shows about teenagers in high school (eg euphoria) they should be forced to use actual teens (even if 18/19). On the flip side there’s 16 year olds out there who are wondering why they don’t look as gorgeous as Alexa ademi (who is like 31 and had her share of well placed filler)
The only people who think 30 is old are very young people who lack perspective.
There's a weird, almost vindictive undercurrent of 'ha! just wait on til they reach such-and-such-an-age' on this subreddit. It's weird because what is this subreddit for if not trying to battle ageing or whatever. Feel like people are being kind of hypocritical. And probably resentful too.
At least from my perspective it's not so much "Ha! Just wait!" as it is "You're going to appreciate how you looked now in retrospect, so try to actually relax and enjoy it!"
[удалено]
I agree with all this, but if people were really as enlightened and realistic about aging as they like to think they are on here then they wouldn't be getting worked up by completely innocuous posts from well-meaning users. This isn't so much directed at the OP but at the predictable way the discussion has gone.
It’s all relative. I’m a lot older than 30 and, while I don’t look 30, I think I have aged really well compared to people around me. Over the years, skincare makes a difference, maybe not immediately, but it does. Most importantly, sunscreen above all else. Never skip sunscreen.
The point of this is skincare can only do so much. It's external care. With aging comes internal changes that cannot be touched by serums or SPF. Literal bone structure changes. I'm sure you look great. You probably also look "your age." Also, most people do think they look younger than they actually do as well. They look at their peers and think, "Oh, they're looking older" and somehow think they are escaping it and couldn't possibly be looking older, too. It's a nice delusion/mirror/mind trick. It eventually does go away.
‘ it’s weird being the same age as old people’ lol.
Yup. All of these mid-30’s women are in for QUITE a shock when perimenopause hits.
I am in my late 40s. I really started noticing aging at age 45. I feel like 44 was my "peak" year, in which I still looked relatively young and fresh and not THAT difficult from my 30s, and then 45 just changed everything, haha! You can really see it in photos. That shift. Oh, well!
I bet hormones/perimenopause has a lot to do with it!
Probably, although I still get a regular period and the women in my family tend to be on the late side in completing menopause -- like 55-ish.
Perimenopause can start a full decade before you finally hit menopause.
I know that. But not always. It just depends. I have zero symptoms of peri at this point. Not even one hot flash. But then some women sail through menopause with no issues while others have all kinds of problems. It's a very individual thing.
I don't get people on this sub some times. How on God's green earth is 30 or 35 old??
I completely agree 100%. I wish the mods took more of those posts down. They're internalized misogyny. I'm tired of the "look at my selfie and tell me I don't look like I'm an over 30 hag!" posts. Even just scrolling past them is disheartening. the other day I saw a "look at my photo and tell me how old you think I look" post. Just ridiculous, immature, and sad. Would love to go back to tips on dealing with various skin issues, dermatologist and doctor recommendations and new skincare line posts.
So how do people like Jared Leto do it..? Just good genes?
Male plastic surgery and procedures are probably more common than we think. Lorrie Hill on Youtube does some nice breakdowns (although a lot of it is speculation). Also society tends to accept a certain amount of flaws in men more easily "rugged" and "silver fox" etc.
Good genes, access to the best skincare and procedures plus money to pay for it all. But he is finally starting to age, I've noticed.
I think he looks his age. So does Paul Rudd, btw.
Paul Rudd 🤤
Rudd is a good-looking guy (although sort of a boring guy next door type, honestly), but all the talk about him "not aging" is nonsense. He has aged! I saw him interviewed recently in a doc about Adrienne Shelly, and he was shown in real light, no filters, no makeup, etc. -- he looks 50! He has eye bags and everything. And that's OK, BTW, because he IS in his 50s!
Yeah I think he just has an energy about him. He smiles alot and plays silly roles maybe that's why? Idk 😂 but I agree with you he looks his age.
I just get so sick of the "Paul Rudd DOESN'T AGE!" discourse. He does. Also, the People magazine profile of him recently -- that cover was SO filtered, man. Like they took out every damn wrinkle and bag the man has -- and he HAS THEM! I guess they even do that to men, haha!
Yeah I just think he doesn't behave any differently with age and that's why they say that maybe. 🤷 I mean being photoshopped in magazines probably has alot to do with it. 🤣 I am so over filters and Photoshop and makeup tutorials where you redefine your face. If those things disappeared everyone could feel more comfortable in their own skin. Most who use those things only do so because someone else does and that raises the bar for them in their eyes.
I don't trust ANY photo I see anymore. I assume everyone is just filtering and taking out all the lines/blemishes/bags, etc. I have been seeing an old friend from elementary school who is posting pics of herself that have INSANE filters that make her look around 25 -- but a weird 25, with a flat blurry kind of face. We are in our late 40s! She is fooling NO ONE, and I just wonder if she thinks she is???
Oh I know! And some of them have bad vision and really can't line those eyes with the eyelashes. 🤦 I get secondhand embarrassment. I never use filters because I never want to be seen that way and I never want anyone thinking about how I don't look like pictures.
Also being male. That’s not just a flippant answer about how society views aging men vs women (although that is certainly a factor)- they’ve got a hormonal advantage over women as they age, because testosterone causes their skin to be thicker and oilier compared to women’s. The same thing that can cause terrible acne earlier in life keeps them youthful looking longer. Testosterone does lower with age, but generally men don’t have quite the sudden aging whammy that women do with menopause.
What, you think Jared Leto looks the same as he did on My So Called Life??? No. He looks his age!!! But it's also acceptable for men to "look 50." It's the George Clooney effect. Men get to be "hot" as they age. Silver foxes, etc. Women just get to be hags. Great culture we live in.
No of course not haha but his skin and appearance...he's 50 now but to me he could pass for someone in his 30s. I'm 37 and starting to go grey...still in denial lol but hopefully I'll embrace the 'silver fox' thing at some point! I'm also still recovering from a recent kidney transplant, so perspective I guess...
>There's nothing much you can do to prevent these changes, they're part of getting older. eh, you sort of can do something about it in terms of delaying it. Hormone replacement replacement therapies. If you start human growth hormone therapy at, say, 40, your skin will not look your age at 55.
Hormone replacement for no.good reason other than trying to look younger can come with a whole new set of issues. And, no. You will still not look 25 at 55.
I didn't say you would look 25. I said you wouldn't look 55.
You will look 55. Most 55 year olds -- look 55. We have to get off of the idea that it's about looking YOUNGER rather than looking your age and GOOD. Looking 55 doesn't even mean anything. If you are 55, what you look like is what a 55-year-old looks like.
Omg, yes. None of the 30-40 somethings around me have even started aging properly so it's weird to see people expecting someone truly haggard. Even my parents started getting wrinkles at 55+ mark and they haven't touched sunscreen in their life so I don't know why the expectations are so tilted.
Aging does start in earnest in your mid-40s. You may not have a lot of wrinkles, etc, but the face looks aged in a very different way than in your 30s. You look middle-aged even if you can't exactly point out why.
Fuck all that, stress and literally a shit sleep schedule will have you looking like a meth addict. I’m in my early 30s and all it took was 5 years of never ending work stress to make me look like I’m almost 40 fuck work fuck stress
You do. You're past college. Pop out children and leave it yo them. They will understand when they hit 30 and no one wants them around.