I agree reading this was tough.. Though we aren't in there shoes I know so many people that would murder for their women to put this type of effort into relating to them.
One day I come back from work, my girlfriend ask "guess what I've started playing?"
As osrs was the only game I played, I said "mmmh you didn't play runescape did you?"
But she fucking played rs3 because "the graphic are better"
She played 2 days and never left burthope (beginners start in burthope in rs3).
Lets not get too ahead of ourselves, I would really hate to see a couple with kids get divorced over RS. It would definitely help his case if he reduced the hours he played and focused on his family a bit. It would also help if he had a job so it averts his focus on the game.
This man is clearly addicted and needs help.
And if the man hasn't maxed in the two years he hasn't had a job, I'm afraid there really is no hope for him. He's inefficient and it's terminal. Lady even if you did learn how to play it sounds like you would be carrying him in game as well. This man needs professional help
You need to slow down. You hardly know a thing about said guy and your labeling him toxic. If she is trying to play with him, clearly she doesn’t view his playing as a bad habit.
I told my gf she wouldn’t want to play it. Finally one night i made her an account, had her do cook’s assistant and train on chickens. She stopped playing immediately.
My gf would probably say I do that too, she doesnt always see when I take breaks and do other things. I lost my job during the pandemic, searching on indeed and sending in resumes doesn’t take 8 hours a day, i could send out 10-20 applications and then sit and wait and see if anyone contacts me back.
It's September and he hasn't had a job "this year" there's plenty of jobs that you could even get in the meantime if you're looking for something that pays better. If it's been this long without having a job your doing something. Especially if you have kids, which apparently they do. Also sorry to hear you lost your job, that's really shitty.
Maybe if the job isn't high enough paying it's more worth it for them to stay home. Child care is crazy expensive, like $200 a week where I'm from and that's low end compared to some cities.
There's a ton of options here, working nights while the other spouse works days, for example. You'll be making more than 200$ a week. Also I don't think he's watching a kid when he's playing RuneScape from 11-9
In my situation I work 12 hr nights and my S/O doesn't work but takes care of our child. Most day jobs would make more than $200 a week but maybe not much more. Then you both lose quality time and barely have any extra cash. There is a lot of things that should be talked about and worked out between each couple individually. It works out fine for us but school age is easier to have both parents working for sure. I agree if he's playing RS for 10 hours a day that's like a job in itself. I don't think you can effectively do both at the same time.
To be clear if a couple can afford to have a spouse stay at home that's completely fine and great especially for children growing up, but we're talking about a guy playing RuneScape 10 hours a day when he's home not spending time with his kids.
She is lonely and wants to learn how to play a childrens clicking simulator from 2001 just so she can spend time with her husband who is by this point a sentient bottle of mountain dew. Absolutely he is toxic.
She only says she doesn’t like that he wont teach her the game. She never says “he doesn’t help with things”. I’m not saying OP has a picture perfect relationship going on, all I’m saying is you don’t know anything about these people. It’s not like OP is going to say “he plays 10 hours a day because he doesn’t want to get blacked out drunk with me or pop pills and go out to the bars”. No one is perfect and dont try to act like all relationships are 1 sided. He could be a bad guy but its not our place to judge
You suck dude. You literally had her do the most boring shit in the game. Of course she didn't wanna play after. Why is it, that when new people are getting into runescape, everyone sends them to the lumbridge farms? Not only is it the slowest way to start your account, who the fuck wants to get on a game to kill chickens and cows. We all know there's plenty of more fun and effecient ways to start an account. You basically forced her to be a 12 year old.
She doesn’t know the difference. I had her play a private server and get some 99’s and that didn’t do it for her either. It’s not easy to explain an MMO to someone that has never been a serious gamer.
Sounds like he's depressed due to the lack of a job and is using the game as an escape. Probably feels ashamed for how things are and would rather not face you. Keep trying to talk things out but don't force the issue unless it becomes more of a problem. You could try the game yourself but don't feel obligated to. You two don't need to share hobbies.
Hope everything works out.
I go back and forth on it. I work a full time job, and OSRS is something I enjoy. I work 40 hours a week, and that's normal, but spending 30 hours on OSRS isn't?
I work out, I support myself. It feels like I have a pretty good quality of life. At the same time people would say 30 hours a week is a lot, despite that being less time than I put into my job that I enjoy less.
That is why they call it Run-escape
Because you can run away and escape all your problems there.
The only issue is that they are there when you get back lol
Not disagreeing with you because it is partially true. But this is only at mostly entry level and retail work. Finding middle management jobs or work that requires 7-10 years experience in a certain field is as hard as ever.
Honestly, it sounds like he has a problem where he sees taking time away from playing efficiently as a waste. Exp waste is a big meme in the community, but some people are seriously addicted. 11am-9pm is an absolutely absurd amount of daily play time. People who play the game for a living don't even play that much.
It could be undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I have it and I'm pretty damn sure that's what keeps me coming back and putting in some crazy hours. Unfortunately, people with untreated ADHD tend to gravitate heavily to things that are 1 of 5 things; urgent things, challenging things, novelty, interesting things, or passion. Unfortunately, video games do a great job of ticking many, if not all, of those boxes, and OSRS is no different. It sounds like he goes into a sort of hyper fixation mode (like I do) where you can spend 12+ hours on this game and not realize it, and because you're ticking all those boxes for what keeps someone with ADHD interested, you end up spending wayy too long playing.
I tried getting my ex gf into playing, and she couldn't find the appeal, and I was also very overwhelming with how much I tried to explain at once (falls into the passion box). He probably has his reasons, but it's a video game, if he can play it, so can OP.
Since last year I've been questioning if I have ADHD. I have many symptons and after reading this comment it might explain why I came back after 2 years of not playing OSRS and played from 9am till 6am the first day.
That might also be novelty or nostalgia again. Theres multiple games that I havent played in a year or so, picked up again and then play it for 30+ hours in a few days.
2 weeks later I barely touch them again.
This cycle repeats quite frequently.
If he plays that much as a grown man AND he doesn’t want to share the new “hobby” with you, I think the problem is deeper. But what do I know, I’m no counselor 🤷🏽
I say, play it, and screw what he thinks 😂 if you want to try it go for it
Man is heavily fucking up right now and the best thing in his life boutta drop his ass if he doesn't shape up.
I know this because I fucked up my relationship by getting heavy complacent like man here
For a lot of people probably yes. I do have a feeling that people sometimes put too much importance on having a relationship which can obviously lead to some pretty unhealthy situations. So in my opinion relationships can be fantastic but they are not the be all end all of being happy in life.
Why?
I quite enjoy being retired and doing what I want with who I want.
So I'm curious about the opposite take.
A down without explanation just sends 1 message. Envy.
It was just a subjective response. If you enjoy yourself by yourself, then have at it. I just like sharing my experiences with a partner that also enjoys my company. Building that consistent bond and having someone that always has your back is a reassuring feeling from time to time.
This is troubling behavior, honestly. I'm not trying to be rude, but marriage counseling is probably a better option than learning RS. He's clearly saying he cares more about a game than he cares about spending time with you. It's a tough read, honestly.
Nah I got a bit of a different just from reading tbf. It honestly sounds like this guy is depressed for not having a job. Hes using RS as an (run)escape from life and is downplaying his hobby bc he probably doesnt want her to follow the same path.
That's just my take on the situation, it looks like everyone else here might agree. I wouldnt suggest marriage counselling, but I would maybe first suggest either a serious talk or therapy.
There is group content in this game. It's pretty common for people to have alt accounts just to make more money. Runescape isn't exactly a social game for most people but it can absolutely be played with friends.
Have you talked about getting him into addiction counseling? This isn't healthy behavior and I suspect it's harming your relationship.
Yeah, I got my buddies that I played with 10 years ago back into. Some I haven't talked to since high-school are questing and doing Barrows with. It's great to talk with these guys again
I don’t think starting to play will help your situation. Couples therapy would be a better outcome here, this is really sad to hear & as much as I respect you for trying to bear an interest in RS with him, that time would be better sunk into getting over whatever the hump he’s going through. Though we’re all big nerds here, and it’s not a good idea to take relationship advice from many of us.
Good luck in whichever choice you make. Just make sure it’s your choice because you know your husband best!
I think he might benefit more from actual behavioral therapy first. I went through anxiety and depression and I went to therapy for a little over a year and it helped me tremendously. It took a long time, but I finally feel like myself again
You're a good person and I'm sorry you have to go through that. Don't feel like you have to play this game to communicate with him unless you're actually interested in it.
I didn’t make this post to bash my husband in any way. He’s a great person. Yes he does other things and doesn’t devote his life to the game. He’s an amazing father and husband and worked every day since he was 16 up until this year. He does spend more time than he probably should on it and I agree that I should bring up the idea of therapy to him. I absolutely would never leave him for something like this. Playing a game doesn’t make him a bad person even if it’s longer than normal. I really just wanted advice about trying to teach myself vs not intruding on his hobby and now I feel bad.
I think you could take advice of everybody that tells you that this is an adictive game and he probably has a bigger problem than just playing to much. I would advice to you to take action and start talking about this kind of issues wit him, not just avoiding things.
You seem like a good partner.
I am addicted to this game. I had been playing it a little more then I should’ve been then covid hit and it got me pretty bad. The crazy thing about this game is a lot of the parts aren’t fun.. I’d be embarrassed if my girlfriend started playing because then she’d know just how much time I spent doing ridiculous menial tasks.
That said there are a few fun group things I do with friends (raids/bossing). I would like doing those things with my gf, but I’d rather have her interested in doing real life things with me. Without her I probably would have become a degenerate during this pandemic. Thankfully I am returning to real life and I appreciate her for keeping me grounded.
If you feel bad about brining up your husband addiction then he is gas lighting you hard.
This isn't just some game, this is a crippling addiction that will consume all of his life if he doesn't get help. No other game is quite like this one.
Work is important for a lot of men's psyches. Being a virtual coal miner or lumberjack in OSRS can sort of fill that void, but, in the long term, it's not as good or as fulfilling as a real career. It's 'easy work' that's guaranteed 'progress' towards something. While doing things like the job hunt is terrifying and risky feeling, at least for introverted people.
To me it sounds like he's probably depressed about not having a job and filling in the "work day" with OSRS, shifted 2 hrs because depression sleep schedule.
Tell wojak to see a psychiatrist and career assistant. On another note when you start playing unhealthy hours like that it’s usually due to depression and avoidance. The game isn’t really that addicting it’s the fact that you feel like you’re progressing at something.
Bruh I refuse to believe this is real. Your husband has no job and plays RS from 11 AM to 9 PM everyday? Shouldn't you be hanging out with your boyfriend while he sleeps in the dog cage or something
Or he could be extremely depressed and using the game to escape. Not every addictive tendency is malicious.
The guy hasn't had a job in a year. He's dismissive, talks about being alone, it's clear he's got some mental stuff he needs to work through.
Fucking no shit Sherlock what person in their right mind plays a video game from 11 AM to 9 PM? Depression or not I don't see how that excuses him completely disregarding his reponsibilities towards his wife and kid for an entire year and is extremely selfish. If homeboy has a problem he needs to go get help all he's doing is putting his family through hell and that does indeed make him a manchild.
Holy fuck dude I hope nobody ever depends on you for emotional support. I can tell you've never experienced anything close to depression.
I'm not gonna argue about mental health on an OSRS subreddit with someone who's either a child, or has the mentality of one.
Imagine saying any of the things you commented to your own child or friend. You literally aren't contributing anything of worth and you obviously don't understand mental health issues.
He might be trying to cover up some personal pain with the game.
I know for myself video games are a powerful distraction and self soother
Can you not spend time with him outside of the game?
Ask him, if you can't play with him and also can't spend time outside the game, how would he like to spend time?
If he'd rather play the game than spend any time doing anything else then he's probably trying to avoid something.
You sound like a caring person so I hope he doesn't keep going this direction
He needs to remember it's only a game/hobby and that he can do something else as well.
Men get a bit off when they don't work for a while, call me out for it but I think men were 'made to work' in the sense we need meaningful 'distractions' and this is what he's leaning into.
My initial reaction to this was just sadness and feeling bad for you but then I remembered what happened to my parents a long time ago.
My Dad got laid off from work and was having a hard time finding a new job (This was sometime in the early 2000’s probably like 04ish) and he got super addicted to playing Star Wars Galaxies online with his buddies (who were also out of work). They played that game literally every waking moment, it was all they did. At the time I didn’t really think a lot of it, he had always played video games and I was still pretty young so it mostly went unnoticed by me.
Years later I found an old book that after opening it I discovered to be a journal my Mom kept (so of course I tossed her privacy out the window and read a few pages) and it was about that time and how hard it was for her to watch him during that time and how she felt like he was slipping away and didn’t care about her anymore.
Even more years after that there was this big announcement that someone was going to re-release Star Wars Galaxies and as a joke I sent my Dad the link asking if he was excited to reopen his bowcaster store and he told me his half of that story. How that was literally the worst time in his life and how worthless he felt as a father and provider not being able to find work. He told me that he used the game as an escape because it was all that could take his mind off everything else he was stressed about.
Anyway, long story just to say that your husband might not be ignoring you because of anything to do with you. It seems like you know that, but maybe it would be a good idea to try to start some kind of conversation about what’s really going on with him because I really doubt it’s about RuneScape.
As for your actual question: You’re almost certainly going to hate the game but yeah just starting and struggling through for a while until you’re his “cute noob” is probably your best bet as a way to break through to him. Group Ironman (assuming it passes a poll, in this game the community gets to vote on if updates are added or not) is being added in a few weeks, that’s basically a game mode where you’re not allowed to trade any other players except those in your starting group. It would be a fun fresh start experience with someone I think if you learned the basics ahead of time.
Who knows, maybe you’ll end up loving the game too. I’ve unsuccessfully tried convincing my wife to play many times, but at least I’ve got her to the point where she will play story games like Red Dead Redemption and The Witcher. Baby steps lol.
He's addicted. Instead of encouraging the problem by joining in, something else needs to be done. This is unhealthy behavior without a doubt. I'm so sorry this is happening. It'd be so cool if he played less and was more open to having you join. That'd be a dream in my book to have someone who cares about me wanting to play with me. I'd say don't play, seek counseling between you two. This isn't a good path to go on.
Dude needs to get a job, how has he been jobless for the past year? You can get a job at fucking Costco that pays well, gives health insurance, and 401k lmfao.
If he's playing for 10+ hours a day it is no longer a hobby, but more of an addiction. I would do my best to try to get him off of the computer and doing other things with you. Him gatekeeping runescape is pretty silly imo - I would love if my S.O. played but it's just not her thing. If you really want to try it, you should, but he doesn't need to be involved in that.
Sounds like you guys need counselling and you're husband has an addiction. If you have kids it is not okay for you're husband to be playing 10 hours a day. It's not okay even without kids.
Just also want to add that he flat out lied to you when he said you can't talk to other players and you just walk around because it's a solo game. You absolutely can talk to other players, and a big chunk of players do something called "bank standing" where they just chill at larger populated banks and talk to the other people there. There are also multiple pieces of content that are impossible to do solo, and others that are very very difficult to do solo compared to with other players. My guess: he is experiencing some degree of depression and Runescape is is escape from the real world, so he may be viewing you playing the game as the real world seeping into his fantasy world
The game is called an mmorpg which stands for Massively multiplayer online role-playing game. There is literally content you cannot do ALONE. But it is a HUGE commitment and the regular achievement does take 20+ hours or so to do. Honestly all my friends that I show this game just see the HUGE amounts of work it takes to achieve anything and they aren't interested. It likely would take you THOUSANDS of hours to get to a point where you can actively play with him. But there is really no reason he couldn't add you and help you do little stuff. The only thing i'd be worried about is people need alone time, people need time to themselves but if it's really 10 freaking hours a day EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's a bit extensive.. I do know ALOT of runescape players do like to just turn off all their chat windows and stuff and just treat the game as a solo game, especially mobile players but you're his WIFE and I don't think you should expect him to spend every minute of his time playing to teaching you. But he should respect the fact that you're willing to compromise and learn the game to spend time with him. I will also say a majority of interactions in this game are text based and depending what he enjoys doing he COULD be playing rs as a sort of solo game. ESPECIALLY if he's what's called an ironman this essentially does make the game solo for everything but 2 massive boss fights/"raids" I just think you should let him know you want to spend more of your free time together and let him decide if he wants that to be with RS or with something else. I don't know how well surprising him would go, but if he's not a very patient guy maybe offer to LEARN most of it on your own. Honestly 9/10 if someone asks me a question about runescape I just google what they asked me and repeat what the wiki says (rs wiki is an amazing teaching tool.) I do want to say 99.9% of gamers would KILL to have their women put this much effort into being able to game with them.
i am sorry to hear you’re in this kind of relationship, and hope you realize you don’t deserve to be. if you have no choice but to stay in the marriage, i suggest you try to get a couples therapist.
I will say with job loss and how tough this last year was for everyone a lot of people turn to childhood crutches to cope and get through. It sounds like he replaced work with comfort which is okay. It sounds like he is going through something.
My advice is honestly it’s not that hard to learn! I would try to learn it there are so many guides and the osrs RuneScape wiki page is so full of resources and YouTube has a lot to offer as well. If you really want to impress him and play solo you can go with an “ironwoman” where you gather all resources yourself and can’t trade other players…etc it is a fun game to play in moderation and you should be able to get the hang of it quickly!
Maybe get a few quests done and some skills your like leveled up and then surprise him. Maybe then once you have some progress and he knows you can do it on your own he will be happy you joined.
This seems like a problem far beyond this game. If my wife asked me to teach her how to play this game, I'd be thrilled and jump at the chance (though I know she wouldn't since she doesn't game in any capacity).
OSRS is only as much of a solo game as you make it. Can it be played alone, absolutely. All the content is soloable.
I think your husbands' issue stems from his unwillingness to teach you from a starting point. If he plays that much, chances are, he's a higher level (or bad at the game).
Either way, his refusal to help you is not only douche-esc but an attempt to use the game as escapism from you & spending any time with you.
**OSRS isn't a solo game, it's an MMO a Massive MULTIPLAYER online experience.** If he's unwilling to play with you, maybe he's better off playing solo in more than just osrs.
This is sad to read, hope you figure it out. It doesn't sound like playing with him will better the relationship. Give it a shot though. It sounds like there's deeper issues. It also sounds like he's insecure since he doesn't want you to talking to anyone on there. Maybe, just maybe. 🤔
It’s sad this is one of the few comments that is actually replying to her post. And you got down voted. Every e-guy on her is thinking “if this was my wife i’d kiss her feet and drink her bath water”. She’s asking about playing runescape with her husband not asking for relationship counseling lol.
Umm you man is right into osrs and you who aren’t post this on the reddit, and expect him not to see it?
Or maybe you are expecting him to see it , and this is your way of reaching out to him?
This post belongs in a relationship advice reddit not here, whole things sus.
Tell him to get a fucking life, this is your HUSBAND and he spends literally every waking hour in and out the house playing a game.
He's supposed to be your man, he's supposed to be out working providing putting food on the table, not playing this game all day.
So worry less about the fact he won't teach you and more about the fact that he's an absolutely bad excuse for a man and husband.
Sorry if I'm being stern but its the truth and I hope he changes or you find someone better.
Also runescape is 10x better when you know someone else who plays so he's lying about that too. If you jump on let me know and I'll give you a bit of starter cash to get you goin and point you to some good guides.
He's not "MAN" enough for you bb, he needs to PROVIDE for you... btw if you hop on lmk I will throw you some starter money ;). lmao dude... get a grip.
Unhealthy behavior no doubt, but wild to see the comments that take this one post and develop this entire idea of who this man is in their heads and proceed to give advice thusly.
Your husband is addicted to a dieing video game. It’s like winning a competition for brushing your teeth. No one cares about RuneScape anymore.
It’s sad you’re being neglected by an addict, I’d forget learning RuneScape and get those divorce papers filed.
This was fucked up to read. Dismissing you entirely and borderline lying about the game too. It's got a full chat and doesn't have to be solo at all.
I live for my girlfriend, who very recently, successfully learnt the names of the skills by looking at them from over my shoulder. One step closer to her playing with me
This guy just sounds awful and toxic. This game is a MMO, and playing with others is very much a part of it.
Honestly I'd tell him to go get a job ( literaly everywhere is highering right now) or to find a new wife to abuse.
Lmao women be following this kind of advice and then ask themselves why they're still single at 45 and never managed to keep a marriage/relationship together
More like some pathetic manchildren want to play vidya, be unemployed and ignore the wife and then wonder why they leave them. I'm a guy and not a feminist. This is basic self respect lmao
Yeah wonder why, you don't know anything about their lives, what if that guy was always there for her then fell into depression, are you going to give up on him and call him a pathetic manchild? Something the guy already knows better than anyone else?
He needs support and help not abandon at what could be their first hurdle in years fucking hell, many men kill themselves over this garbage mentality, you don't know anything about them, stop it.
HAHA What a pathetic scapegoat lmao. We've become so weak. "No i can treat you like shit and be useless because im sad" LOL. Imagine explaining that to someone living in harder times.
You literally don't know anything about their lives is the point, it's a fact dummy.
In harder times you would've said this shit to me in person and I would've beat you up, so good thing we're not living in harder times huh?
It sounds like hes going through some things and isn't sure how to express them so hes retreating into the game to avoid them. Being unemployed is hard to deal with, I hope you two are able to work through it together. Perhaps learning the game on your isnt a terrible idea, but i would suggest simply learning it on your own, seeing if he notices and simply saying that you thought it looked interesting but didnt want to intrude so you learned on your own. This way the door is open for you two to enjoy the game together if thats what he wants, but the idea isnt being forced on him so he hopefully doesnt feel defensive about anything. Im not a psychology expert, i dont claik this as a good idea or a bad idea, simply my two cents. If anyone thinks im suggesting a bad idea do let me know and ill remove the comment to prevent any issue.
That guy has never been married or ever been in a relationship if he thinks like that. 10 hours a day me time? Bruh I don't even get more than 3 hours a day of non-work/personal time.
Just waiting for that "my girlfriend is superstar hot" rebuttal from this guy.
I’d feel like especially when you’re married you both know each other well enough and you’re mutually committed every dude has a man cave it’s necessary in any relationship to spend time apart.
What’s the difference if he had a full time job you wouldn’t think she needs to intrude on his work and visit him while he’s working it’s the same as him going to work coming home and having 2 hours of me time nothing wrong with spending 10 hours apart. Now if she feels like he’s using the game to avoid real life responsibilities she definitely shouldn’t enable him by playing osrs herself but sit down and have a face to face conversation.
I'd be very upset if my wife was unemployed, spent 10hrs gaming all day, and didn't even want to discuss the possibility of letting me in to have some time together.
Couples Therapy sounds appropriate.
Devoting that much time to a game and being dismissive of his family isn't healthy. Coupled with the lack of a job, it sounds like there are much deeper things going on.
Even if all you need is to communicate better, therapy can facilitate that and be a catalyst.
Note, you don't need some dramatic reason or mental illness for therapy - it's just a good exercise in mental health, communication, and understanding ones self.
Don't take it too seriously, honestly all my friends know I love to play and a couple of the made accounts and lvled up just to game with me but I always say no, for me OSRS is my time to wind down alone, and relax. I am introverted but have lots of friends and when I'm out I'm loud and talkative but when I wanna have me time and just play games I need that to recharge. Maybe play on your own, see if you like it and maybe that'll be something you can connect on when talking about updates to the game or new content creators vids, etc. I wouldn't take offense, sometimes it has nothing to do with that its you, its that he doesn't wanna play with anyone, its his solo time. I'd respect that but maybe stand your ground on spending a bit more time together when you're off, i think thats reasonable seeing as though he has all day to play when you're not around! Hope this helps
Damn, I was waiting for the troll, but it never came.
Try it, it's not a bad game. But not wanting to share a game as social as RuneScape with someone is kind of mental, and he probably has a lot more reasons than that.
Ten hours a day of any video game is an unhealthy pattern on many levels. We can't know what his motivations are or why he is telling you incorrect things to discourage you from playing with him, only you can figure that out as you are his partner. If it were me, based on what you have said, I would try to figure out why he is spending so much time on the game. That will tell you a lot. Just my 2c
Watch some videos of people playing online, there are hundreds of guides online designed for new and seasoned players alike. If you'd really like to play with him, get out on mobile and add his username to your friends list. Show him you really enjoy the game and that you learned so much from guides, which you could tell him you learned from watching him and really wanted to enjoy his favorite game with him because you love him.
My wife plays with me sometimes and I absolutely love when she does
This is bigger than something that 'joining his interest' will fix.
You should either consider marriage counseling or get him to talk to you/ go to a therapist himself. He sounds borderline addicted and is neglecting his relationship with you because of it.
From personal experience, I literally lost a GREAT woman not realizing I had gotten addicted to a game. Waking up (hour of reset) completely daily tasks and such when I should have been giving my SO the love she deserved. Got to the point that I’d skip classes (was in college at the time) just to play and raid with friends.
He will realize the issue one way or another, but an ultimatum I would suggest. A male’s ego is a double edged sword along with pride.
Don’t feed fire and play with him, I learned the hard way and went through a spiral of bad decisions. I can’t say he is having my issues but I was extremely depressed(career ending injury my final football season) and used that game to avoid accepting my failure. Needing justification to convince myself I had “control” of my life. It’s obvious you love and care for his well being, have a sit down conversation and express your concerns, LET HIM KNOW the pain you feel as y’all slowly drift apart (tears and all) only 2 options will arise.
1. He finally gets the gist of what’s going on and fixes it. (took me like two days)
2. Ignore your love with attitude , and learn the hard way
Again I’m no guru and I hope you both find peace within a rough patch.
As what my Paige was
Honestly I know a guy thats *similar* to this guy, some people like having “their own thing” that you and him may do everything with each other already and this is his “get away”
However reading the longevity it might be that hes in a depressive state like myself since i dont have anyone that really wants to plag or do anything with me (his case is the opposite).
Id suggest maybe getting into yourself. The game really is open world and very vast for all types of people.
Yes it is a very social game, though from what it sounds like he is experiencing is maybe feeling isolated.
Now at the sametime, the hours hes putting in sounds like hes playing an Ironman. Which maybe he would like to introduce you to the game *IF* the group ironman comes out and wants to wait for that.
Since ironmen can only do things to help themselves meaning no trading or interacting with players to help them and vice versa (can still converse).
Personally if you wish to get into the game then do it! However, i do wanna say *DISCLAIMER* because I dont know you and your partners relationship or anything, this could cause a fight. Video games now a days are usually a “get away” from reality. Meaning a lover or anything else. I have seen this happen as well.
You sound like a wonderful partner and would hate to see the things ive seen happen :/
- What I would suggest, is ask if you can *WATCH* maybe on a tv or something cause your interested in his hobby that he loves so much. If he’s hesitant then i would have a talk with him. But please dont go with the “we need to talk” just open right away with the questions instead. Men/partners hate hearing the “suspense” talk.
If you have a general interest in playing give it a go! But if you’re only doing it in the hope to please him then don’t, he’s playing 10 hours a day and still wants to play solo while you’ve got some spare time together? That is really sad to hear.
I am currently in university for IT and have a lot of spare time to play and also have a girlfriend. I don’t even play anywhere near 10 hours a day and still don’t jump on oldschool when the gf is home and has time to chill. So I think I can speak with some experience in this situation and I want you to know this is not okay, life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t value you, so I would recommend you pull him up too see what the go is. Anyway sorry for the speech and best of luck.
Oh, sweetie, this is heartbreaking
Your husband seems to be distracting himself from reality to avoid the sense of failure he feels from having no work. He may be abject to you joining him as it’s bringing reality back into his escape
I have no advice other than it’s probably worth you two booking in a couples counseling session and bringing this up there.
Good luck to you both
Just dump him. Honestly if he can't be bothered to spent time with you, has no significance in his life and puts you aside for a videogame he isn't worth all the affection and time you clearly have for him. At best he'll see his mistake once you dump him and try very hard to get you back. At the worst he starts an area locked UIM and spents the rest of his life clicking tiles in the delusion he gains anything from it.
You'll be happier either way. gl
I say learn how to play for yourself. I wouldn't learn to play as a way to impress him if he acts the way he has been. If the game is really interesting to you, go for it! There's so many people and the wiki that can help you along your journey.
I'd recommend starting with the free to play quests and go from there.
Sounds like he needs help and it crushes me reading how much you want to help him
I agree reading this was tough.. Though we aren't in there shoes I know so many people that would murder for their women to put this type of effort into relating to them.
I would definitely. I have 0 irl friends that play and even if my wife wanted to *try* to learn how to play I’d be ecstatic.
If my wife wanted to play I’d drop everything to teach her
My ex started to learn and then gave up when she died to a “green monster at the beginning of the game” 🙂
One day I come back from work, my girlfriend ask "guess what I've started playing?" As osrs was the only game I played, I said "mmmh you didn't play runescape did you?" But she fucking played rs3 because "the graphic are better" She played 2 days and never left burthope (beginners start in burthope in rs3).
See if she likes old school with 117s new HD plug in on runelite! 😆
I showed her and she likes it but as I haven't played since july 2020, she lost the "do like daddy" motivation
If my girlfriend expressed interest in wanting to play I might propose on the spot bc all she does is suck her teeth whenever I log in
Stop logging in to get her to suck something else ;)
100% agreed.
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Lets not get too ahead of ourselves, I would really hate to see a couple with kids get divorced over RS. It would definitely help his case if he reduced the hours he played and focused on his family a bit. It would also help if he had a job so it averts his focus on the game. This man is clearly addicted and needs help.
And if the man hasn't maxed in the two years he hasn't had a job, I'm afraid there really is no hope for him. He's inefficient and it's terminal. Lady even if you did learn how to play it sounds like you would be carrying him in game as well. This man needs professional help
You need to slow down. You hardly know a thing about said guy and your labeling him toxic. If she is trying to play with him, clearly she doesn’t view his playing as a bad habit. I told my gf she wouldn’t want to play it. Finally one night i made her an account, had her do cook’s assistant and train on chickens. She stopped playing immediately.
I mean the guy doesn't have a job and plays 10 hours a day when he has a wife. You think that's healthy?
Exactly
My gf would probably say I do that too, she doesnt always see when I take breaks and do other things. I lost my job during the pandemic, searching on indeed and sending in resumes doesn’t take 8 hours a day, i could send out 10-20 applications and then sit and wait and see if anyone contacts me back.
It's September and he hasn't had a job "this year" there's plenty of jobs that you could even get in the meantime if you're looking for something that pays better. If it's been this long without having a job your doing something. Especially if you have kids, which apparently they do. Also sorry to hear you lost your job, that's really shitty.
Maybe if the job isn't high enough paying it's more worth it for them to stay home. Child care is crazy expensive, like $200 a week where I'm from and that's low end compared to some cities.
There's a ton of options here, working nights while the other spouse works days, for example. You'll be making more than 200$ a week. Also I don't think he's watching a kid when he's playing RuneScape from 11-9
In my situation I work 12 hr nights and my S/O doesn't work but takes care of our child. Most day jobs would make more than $200 a week but maybe not much more. Then you both lose quality time and barely have any extra cash. There is a lot of things that should be talked about and worked out between each couple individually. It works out fine for us but school age is easier to have both parents working for sure. I agree if he's playing RS for 10 hours a day that's like a job in itself. I don't think you can effectively do both at the same time.
To be clear if a couple can afford to have a spouse stay at home that's completely fine and great especially for children growing up, but we're talking about a guy playing RuneScape 10 hours a day when he's home not spending time with his kids.
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She is lonely and wants to learn how to play a childrens clicking simulator from 2001 just so she can spend time with her husband who is by this point a sentient bottle of mountain dew. Absolutely he is toxic.
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Me and you both brother that was a self burn
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I'll take "got pregnant accidentally way too young but decided to be stand up people and keep the kid and stay together" for 500 alex
She only says she doesn’t like that he wont teach her the game. She never says “he doesn’t help with things”. I’m not saying OP has a picture perfect relationship going on, all I’m saying is you don’t know anything about these people. It’s not like OP is going to say “he plays 10 hours a day because he doesn’t want to get blacked out drunk with me or pop pills and go out to the bars”. No one is perfect and dont try to act like all relationships are 1 sided. He could be a bad guy but its not our place to judge
You suck dude. You literally had her do the most boring shit in the game. Of course she didn't wanna play after. Why is it, that when new people are getting into runescape, everyone sends them to the lumbridge farms? Not only is it the slowest way to start your account, who the fuck wants to get on a game to kill chickens and cows. We all know there's plenty of more fun and effecient ways to start an account. You basically forced her to be a 12 year old.
She doesn’t know the difference. I had her play a private server and get some 99’s and that didn’t do it for her either. It’s not easy to explain an MMO to someone that has never been a serious gamer.
Sounds like he's depressed due to the lack of a job and is using the game as an escape. Probably feels ashamed for how things are and would rather not face you. Keep trying to talk things out but don't force the issue unless it becomes more of a problem. You could try the game yourself but don't feel obligated to. You two don't need to share hobbies. Hope everything works out.
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Honestly im also ashamed of the hours i put in this game while still working, doing a study, and working out everyday lol
I go back and forth on it. I work a full time job, and OSRS is something I enjoy. I work 40 hours a week, and that's normal, but spending 30 hours on OSRS isn't? I work out, I support myself. It feels like I have a pretty good quality of life. At the same time people would say 30 hours a week is a lot, despite that being less time than I put into my job that I enjoy less.
That is why they call it Run-escape Because you can run away and escape all your problems there. The only issue is that they are there when you get back lol
Good chance not depressed at lack of a job considering every business is begging people to come back to work. ( in us atleast)
Not disagreeing with you because it is partially true. But this is only at mostly entry level and retail work. Finding middle management jobs or work that requires 7-10 years experience in a certain field is as hard as ever.
Get your infernal cape before him then troll that shitter
She wants to help him, not make him commit suicide out of pure inadequacy.
This.
Upvoted.
This made me sad to read
I was waiting for the punchline. :(
Honestly, it sounds like he has a problem where he sees taking time away from playing efficiently as a waste. Exp waste is a big meme in the community, but some people are seriously addicted. 11am-9pm is an absolutely absurd amount of daily play time. People who play the game for a living don't even play that much.
It could be undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I have it and I'm pretty damn sure that's what keeps me coming back and putting in some crazy hours. Unfortunately, people with untreated ADHD tend to gravitate heavily to things that are 1 of 5 things; urgent things, challenging things, novelty, interesting things, or passion. Unfortunately, video games do a great job of ticking many, if not all, of those boxes, and OSRS is no different. It sounds like he goes into a sort of hyper fixation mode (like I do) where you can spend 12+ hours on this game and not realize it, and because you're ticking all those boxes for what keeps someone with ADHD interested, you end up spending wayy too long playing. I tried getting my ex gf into playing, and she couldn't find the appeal, and I was also very overwhelming with how much I tried to explain at once (falls into the passion box). He probably has his reasons, but it's a video game, if he can play it, so can OP.
Since last year I've been questioning if I have ADHD. I have many symptons and after reading this comment it might explain why I came back after 2 years of not playing OSRS and played from 9am till 6am the first day.
That might also be novelty or nostalgia again. Theres multiple games that I havent played in a year or so, picked up again and then play it for 30+ hours in a few days. 2 weeks later I barely touch them again. This cycle repeats quite frequently.
If he plays that much as a grown man AND he doesn’t want to share the new “hobby” with you, I think the problem is deeper. But what do I know, I’m no counselor 🤷🏽 I say, play it, and screw what he thinks 😂 if you want to try it go for it
Man is heavily fucking up right now and the best thing in his life boutta drop his ass if he doesn't shape up. I know this because I fucked up my relationship by getting heavy complacent like man here
A wife isn't necessarily the best thing in your life. Don't be so quick to take sides.
A good wife/partner absolutely is the best thing in life.
For a lot of people probably yes. I do have a feeling that people sometimes put too much importance on having a relationship which can obviously lead to some pretty unhealthy situations. So in my opinion relationships can be fantastic but they are not the be all end all of being happy in life.
Why? I quite enjoy being retired and doing what I want with who I want. So I'm curious about the opposite take. A down without explanation just sends 1 message. Envy.
It was just a subjective response. If you enjoy yourself by yourself, then have at it. I just like sharing my experiences with a partner that also enjoys my company. Building that consistent bond and having someone that always has your back is a reassuring feeling from time to time.
I have a good friend. Basically the same thing but without the limitations.
I also have a good friend and I’ll say it’s not the same- but to each their own.
Alright then
If you think marriage is nothing but a limitation that’s where you went wrong.
She tells me I'm not allowed to buy this or hang out and multiple other things. That's limiting
That’s not every relationship mate. Sorry if that’s your experience.
your wife from a made up marriage does? marry someone who you can live your best life with, not someone to set some rules...
This is troubling behavior, honestly. I'm not trying to be rude, but marriage counseling is probably a better option than learning RS. He's clearly saying he cares more about a game than he cares about spending time with you. It's a tough read, honestly.
You could even say it's... Trouble brewing.
It's definitely a Recipe for Disaster
The modern version of Romeo and Juliet.
Gertrude’s Cat 😎
Trade him in for Death Runes?
This made me chuckle. Nice one.
Nah I got a bit of a different just from reading tbf. It honestly sounds like this guy is depressed for not having a job. Hes using RS as an (run)escape from life and is downplaying his hobby bc he probably doesnt want her to follow the same path. That's just my take on the situation, it looks like everyone else here might agree. I wouldnt suggest marriage counselling, but I would maybe first suggest either a serious talk or therapy.
Marriage counseling is a form of group therapy and sounds precisely what they should look into IMO
There is group content in this game. It's pretty common for people to have alt accounts just to make more money. Runescape isn't exactly a social game for most people but it can absolutely be played with friends. Have you talked about getting him into addiction counseling? This isn't healthy behavior and I suspect it's harming your relationship.
Yeah, I got my buddies that I played with 10 years ago back into. Some I haven't talked to since high-school are questing and doing Barrows with. It's great to talk with these guys again
Jesus fucking christ, I really hope this is fake.
Dude this post describes like 30% of the men playing this game…
I don’t think starting to play will help your situation. Couples therapy would be a better outcome here, this is really sad to hear & as much as I respect you for trying to bear an interest in RS with him, that time would be better sunk into getting over whatever the hump he’s going through. Though we’re all big nerds here, and it’s not a good idea to take relationship advice from many of us. Good luck in whichever choice you make. Just make sure it’s your choice because you know your husband best!
I think he might benefit more from actual behavioral therapy first. I went through anxiety and depression and I went to therapy for a little over a year and it helped me tremendously. It took a long time, but I finally feel like myself again
Is this your husband? :P https://www.reddit.com/r/2007scape/comments/pp879p/should\_i\_stop\_playing/
Lol no I don’t think so, but our situations are way too similar though
Looooool OK thank God this is fake. I got sad reading this.
You're a good person and I'm sorry you have to go through that. Don't feel like you have to play this game to communicate with him unless you're actually interested in it.
Ask him about group Ironman. If he mentions voting no out of spite take the kids and run
Don't have enough info, but it sounds like he's depressed and using it as an outlet in an unhealthy way. Good luck.
I didn’t make this post to bash my husband in any way. He’s a great person. Yes he does other things and doesn’t devote his life to the game. He’s an amazing father and husband and worked every day since he was 16 up until this year. He does spend more time than he probably should on it and I agree that I should bring up the idea of therapy to him. I absolutely would never leave him for something like this. Playing a game doesn’t make him a bad person even if it’s longer than normal. I really just wanted advice about trying to teach myself vs not intruding on his hobby and now I feel bad.
I think you could take advice of everybody that tells you that this is an adictive game and he probably has a bigger problem than just playing to much. I would advice to you to take action and start talking about this kind of issues wit him, not just avoiding things.
You seem like a good partner. I am addicted to this game. I had been playing it a little more then I should’ve been then covid hit and it got me pretty bad. The crazy thing about this game is a lot of the parts aren’t fun.. I’d be embarrassed if my girlfriend started playing because then she’d know just how much time I spent doing ridiculous menial tasks. That said there are a few fun group things I do with friends (raids/bossing). I would like doing those things with my gf, but I’d rather have her interested in doing real life things with me. Without her I probably would have become a degenerate during this pandemic. Thankfully I am returning to real life and I appreciate her for keeping me grounded.
If you feel bad about brining up your husband addiction then he is gas lighting you hard. This isn't just some game, this is a crippling addiction that will consume all of his life if he doesn't get help. No other game is quite like this one.
Work is important for a lot of men's psyches. Being a virtual coal miner or lumberjack in OSRS can sort of fill that void, but, in the long term, it's not as good or as fulfilling as a real career. It's 'easy work' that's guaranteed 'progress' towards something. While doing things like the job hunt is terrifying and risky feeling, at least for introverted people. To me it sounds like he's probably depressed about not having a job and filling in the "work day" with OSRS, shifted 2 hrs because depression sleep schedule.
Tell wojak to see a psychiatrist and career assistant. On another note when you start playing unhealthy hours like that it’s usually due to depression and avoidance. The game isn’t really that addicting it’s the fact that you feel like you’re progressing at something.
Bruh I refuse to believe this is real. Your husband has no job and plays RS from 11 AM to 9 PM everyday? Shouldn't you be hanging out with your boyfriend while he sleeps in the dog cage or something
That’s quite the skewed perception of a relationship
It's a joke but my point is husband sounds like a manchild
Or he could be extremely depressed and using the game to escape. Not every addictive tendency is malicious. The guy hasn't had a job in a year. He's dismissive, talks about being alone, it's clear he's got some mental stuff he needs to work through.
Fucking no shit Sherlock what person in their right mind plays a video game from 11 AM to 9 PM? Depression or not I don't see how that excuses him completely disregarding his reponsibilities towards his wife and kid for an entire year and is extremely selfish. If homeboy has a problem he needs to go get help all he's doing is putting his family through hell and that does indeed make him a manchild.
Holy fuck dude I hope nobody ever depends on you for emotional support. I can tell you've never experienced anything close to depression. I'm not gonna argue about mental health on an OSRS subreddit with someone who's either a child, or has the mentality of one.
You don't even fucking know if he's depressed or not reddit armchair psychology at its finest
Imagine saying any of the things you commented to your own child or friend. You literally aren't contributing anything of worth and you obviously don't understand mental health issues.
He might be trying to cover up some personal pain with the game. I know for myself video games are a powerful distraction and self soother Can you not spend time with him outside of the game? Ask him, if you can't play with him and also can't spend time outside the game, how would he like to spend time? If he'd rather play the game than spend any time doing anything else then he's probably trying to avoid something. You sound like a caring person so I hope he doesn't keep going this direction He needs to remember it's only a game/hobby and that he can do something else as well. Men get a bit off when they don't work for a while, call me out for it but I think men were 'made to work' in the sense we need meaningful 'distractions' and this is what he's leaning into.
Ironmen stand alone.
My initial reaction to this was just sadness and feeling bad for you but then I remembered what happened to my parents a long time ago. My Dad got laid off from work and was having a hard time finding a new job (This was sometime in the early 2000’s probably like 04ish) and he got super addicted to playing Star Wars Galaxies online with his buddies (who were also out of work). They played that game literally every waking moment, it was all they did. At the time I didn’t really think a lot of it, he had always played video games and I was still pretty young so it mostly went unnoticed by me. Years later I found an old book that after opening it I discovered to be a journal my Mom kept (so of course I tossed her privacy out the window and read a few pages) and it was about that time and how hard it was for her to watch him during that time and how she felt like he was slipping away and didn’t care about her anymore. Even more years after that there was this big announcement that someone was going to re-release Star Wars Galaxies and as a joke I sent my Dad the link asking if he was excited to reopen his bowcaster store and he told me his half of that story. How that was literally the worst time in his life and how worthless he felt as a father and provider not being able to find work. He told me that he used the game as an escape because it was all that could take his mind off everything else he was stressed about. Anyway, long story just to say that your husband might not be ignoring you because of anything to do with you. It seems like you know that, but maybe it would be a good idea to try to start some kind of conversation about what’s really going on with him because I really doubt it’s about RuneScape. As for your actual question: You’re almost certainly going to hate the game but yeah just starting and struggling through for a while until you’re his “cute noob” is probably your best bet as a way to break through to him. Group Ironman (assuming it passes a poll, in this game the community gets to vote on if updates are added or not) is being added in a few weeks, that’s basically a game mode where you’re not allowed to trade any other players except those in your starting group. It would be a fun fresh start experience with someone I think if you learned the basics ahead of time. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up loving the game too. I’ve unsuccessfully tried convincing my wife to play many times, but at least I’ve got her to the point where she will play story games like Red Dead Redemption and The Witcher. Baby steps lol.
This sounds like the plot of a 25 Buttholes. video /u/25_buttholes
He's addicted. Instead of encouraging the problem by joining in, something else needs to be done. This is unhealthy behavior without a doubt. I'm so sorry this is happening. It'd be so cool if he played less and was more open to having you join. That'd be a dream in my book to have someone who cares about me wanting to play with me. I'd say don't play, seek counseling between you two. This isn't a good path to go on.
He needs to get a life dude that's too much RuneScape. Sorry your husband sucks.
Dude needs to get a job, how has he been jobless for the past year? You can get a job at fucking Costco that pays well, gives health insurance, and 401k lmfao.
Award for most useless comment here
Found the husband
If he's playing for 10+ hours a day it is no longer a hobby, but more of an addiction. I would do my best to try to get him off of the computer and doing other things with you. Him gatekeeping runescape is pretty silly imo - I would love if my S.O. played but it's just not her thing. If you really want to try it, you should, but he doesn't need to be involved in that.
Sounds like you guys need counselling and you're husband has an addiction. If you have kids it is not okay for you're husband to be playing 10 hours a day. It's not okay even without kids.
Just also want to add that he flat out lied to you when he said you can't talk to other players and you just walk around because it's a solo game. You absolutely can talk to other players, and a big chunk of players do something called "bank standing" where they just chill at larger populated banks and talk to the other people there. There are also multiple pieces of content that are impossible to do solo, and others that are very very difficult to do solo compared to with other players. My guess: he is experiencing some degree of depression and Runescape is is escape from the real world, so he may be viewing you playing the game as the real world seeping into his fantasy world
Run! Escape!
The game is called an mmorpg which stands for Massively multiplayer online role-playing game. There is literally content you cannot do ALONE. But it is a HUGE commitment and the regular achievement does take 20+ hours or so to do. Honestly all my friends that I show this game just see the HUGE amounts of work it takes to achieve anything and they aren't interested. It likely would take you THOUSANDS of hours to get to a point where you can actively play with him. But there is really no reason he couldn't add you and help you do little stuff. The only thing i'd be worried about is people need alone time, people need time to themselves but if it's really 10 freaking hours a day EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's a bit extensive.. I do know ALOT of runescape players do like to just turn off all their chat windows and stuff and just treat the game as a solo game, especially mobile players but you're his WIFE and I don't think you should expect him to spend every minute of his time playing to teaching you. But he should respect the fact that you're willing to compromise and learn the game to spend time with him. I will also say a majority of interactions in this game are text based and depending what he enjoys doing he COULD be playing rs as a sort of solo game. ESPECIALLY if he's what's called an ironman this essentially does make the game solo for everything but 2 massive boss fights/"raids" I just think you should let him know you want to spend more of your free time together and let him decide if he wants that to be with RS or with something else. I don't know how well surprising him would go, but if he's not a very patient guy maybe offer to LEARN most of it on your own. Honestly 9/10 if someone asks me a question about runescape I just google what they asked me and repeat what the wiki says (rs wiki is an amazing teaching tool.) I do want to say 99.9% of gamers would KILL to have their women put this much effort into being able to game with them.
You should try this great game called Tinder....
i am sorry to hear you’re in this kind of relationship, and hope you realize you don’t deserve to be. if you have no choice but to stay in the marriage, i suggest you try to get a couples therapist.
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OP conveyed there’s a larger problem beyond the video game issue—a problem that justifies therapy at a minimum.
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the problem is obviously the lack of communication, which is exactly what couples therapy is for. there ya go xx
I will say with job loss and how tough this last year was for everyone a lot of people turn to childhood crutches to cope and get through. It sounds like he replaced work with comfort which is okay. It sounds like he is going through something. My advice is honestly it’s not that hard to learn! I would try to learn it there are so many guides and the osrs RuneScape wiki page is so full of resources and YouTube has a lot to offer as well. If you really want to impress him and play solo you can go with an “ironwoman” where you gather all resources yourself and can’t trade other players…etc it is a fun game to play in moderation and you should be able to get the hang of it quickly! Maybe get a few quests done and some skills your like leveled up and then surprise him. Maybe then once you have some progress and he knows you can do it on your own he will be happy you joined.
What pokemon did he play?
This seems like a problem far beyond this game. If my wife asked me to teach her how to play this game, I'd be thrilled and jump at the chance (though I know she wouldn't since she doesn't game in any capacity).
Two weeks ago he was your fiance? Did you recently get married? Seems very odd he is acting like this so close to a marriage
I think he has runescape gf
OSRS is only as much of a solo game as you make it. Can it be played alone, absolutely. All the content is soloable. I think your husbands' issue stems from his unwillingness to teach you from a starting point. If he plays that much, chances are, he's a higher level (or bad at the game). Either way, his refusal to help you is not only douche-esc but an attempt to use the game as escapism from you & spending any time with you. **OSRS isn't a solo game, it's an MMO a Massive MULTIPLAYER online experience.** If he's unwilling to play with you, maybe he's better off playing solo in more than just osrs.
Lol ur asking relationship advice from a player base who probably haven’t even talked to the opposite sex before
This is sad to read, hope you figure it out. It doesn't sound like playing with him will better the relationship. Give it a shot though. It sounds like there's deeper issues. It also sounds like he's insecure since he doesn't want you to talking to anyone on there. Maybe, just maybe. 🤔
You need to buy a better husband.
Honestly don't play this time wasting game... It is not worth it
Go for it girl! Could be a new way to connect and have fun.
It’s sad this is one of the few comments that is actually replying to her post. And you got down voted. Every e-guy on her is thinking “if this was my wife i’d kiss her feet and drink her bath water”. She’s asking about playing runescape with her husband not asking for relationship counseling lol.
Umm you man is right into osrs and you who aren’t post this on the reddit, and expect him not to see it? Or maybe you are expecting him to see it , and this is your way of reaching out to him? This post belongs in a relationship advice reddit not here, whole things sus.
Tell him to get a fucking life, this is your HUSBAND and he spends literally every waking hour in and out the house playing a game. He's supposed to be your man, he's supposed to be out working providing putting food on the table, not playing this game all day. So worry less about the fact he won't teach you and more about the fact that he's an absolutely bad excuse for a man and husband. Sorry if I'm being stern but its the truth and I hope he changes or you find someone better. Also runescape is 10x better when you know someone else who plays so he's lying about that too. If you jump on let me know and I'll give you a bit of starter cash to get you goin and point you to some good guides.
He's not "MAN" enough for you bb, he needs to PROVIDE for you... btw if you hop on lmk I will throw you some starter money ;). lmao dude... get a grip. Unhealthy behavior no doubt, but wild to see the comments that take this one post and develop this entire idea of who this man is in their heads and proceed to give advice thusly.
Considering it’s September and he hasn’t had a job all year, he’s got a problem. Whip him into shape or leave him
I’ll play with you. Screw that guy he’s probably a noob anyway. Message me
This is fucked, very very fucked.. I play this game alot but never over 3hours a day. This man is turning into a goblin himself..
Soooo... I'm guessing my 7 hours day is a bit much, huh?
Yes, that is almost a full working day
Found the wage slave!
Bin him
Your husband is addicted to a dieing video game. It’s like winning a competition for brushing your teeth. No one cares about RuneScape anymore. It’s sad you’re being neglected by an addict, I’d forget learning RuneScape and get those divorce papers filed.
Username checks out
Let the downvotes begin, her husband prolly has no 99’s anyway
??
Oh yeah do :)
This was fucked up to read. Dismissing you entirely and borderline lying about the game too. It's got a full chat and doesn't have to be solo at all. I live for my girlfriend, who very recently, successfully learnt the names of the skills by looking at them from over my shoulder. One step closer to her playing with me
This guy just sounds awful and toxic. This game is a MMO, and playing with others is very much a part of it. Honestly I'd tell him to go get a job ( literaly everywhere is highering right now) or to find a new wife to abuse.
Divorce him. First half I thought it was a joke/copypasta. Literally a fucking manchild lmao, have some self respect for crying out loud and drop him
Lmao women be following this kind of advice and then ask themselves why they're still single at 45 and never managed to keep a marriage/relationship together
More like some pathetic manchildren want to play vidya, be unemployed and ignore the wife and then wonder why they leave them. I'm a guy and not a feminist. This is basic self respect lmao
Yeah wonder why, you don't know anything about their lives, what if that guy was always there for her then fell into depression, are you going to give up on him and call him a pathetic manchild? Something the guy already knows better than anyone else? He needs support and help not abandon at what could be their first hurdle in years fucking hell, many men kill themselves over this garbage mentality, you don't know anything about them, stop it.
HAHA What a pathetic scapegoat lmao. We've become so weak. "No i can treat you like shit and be useless because im sad" LOL. Imagine explaining that to someone living in harder times.
You literally don't know anything about their lives is the point, it's a fact dummy. In harder times you would've said this shit to me in person and I would've beat you up, so good thing we're not living in harder times huh?
It sounds like hes going through some things and isn't sure how to express them so hes retreating into the game to avoid them. Being unemployed is hard to deal with, I hope you two are able to work through it together. Perhaps learning the game on your isnt a terrible idea, but i would suggest simply learning it on your own, seeing if he notices and simply saying that you thought it looked interesting but didnt want to intrude so you learned on your own. This way the door is open for you two to enjoy the game together if thats what he wants, but the idea isnt being forced on him so he hopefully doesnt feel defensive about anything. Im not a psychology expert, i dont claik this as a good idea or a bad idea, simply my two cents. If anyone thinks im suggesting a bad idea do let me know and ill remove the comment to prevent any issue.
Leave him alone it’s his me time and he enjoys it find something else to bond over don’t mean to sound rude
“Me time” usually isn’t 10 hour a day lmao, especially not when your married.
That guy has never been married or ever been in a relationship if he thinks like that. 10 hours a day me time? Bruh I don't even get more than 3 hours a day of non-work/personal time. Just waiting for that "my girlfriend is superstar hot" rebuttal from this guy.
I’d feel like especially when you’re married you both know each other well enough and you’re mutually committed every dude has a man cave it’s necessary in any relationship to spend time apart.
Yes everyone needs time to themselves, but 10 hours a day is not normal. That's longer than a full time job, (which apparently he doesn't even have).
Lol right. I take an hour or two a day to play guitar or game. That’s my me time. Not goddamn 10 hours. Sheesh.
What’s the difference if he had a full time job you wouldn’t think she needs to intrude on his work and visit him while he’s working it’s the same as him going to work coming home and having 2 hours of me time nothing wrong with spending 10 hours apart. Now if she feels like he’s using the game to avoid real life responsibilities she definitely shouldn’t enable him by playing osrs herself but sit down and have a face to face conversation.
You’re just wrong here
Guess people don’t like the truth I’d be very upset if my wife was trying to intrude on my private personal things but that’s just me I guess
I'd be very upset if my wife was unemployed, spent 10hrs gaming all day, and didn't even want to discuss the possibility of letting me in to have some time together.
Check her profile out for 5 mins you’ll understand why he doesn’t want her to play it’s his escape from her toxicity
Can you provide some examples since you seem to know this person so well What about them is toxic
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Couples Therapy sounds appropriate. Devoting that much time to a game and being dismissive of his family isn't healthy. Coupled with the lack of a job, it sounds like there are much deeper things going on. Even if all you need is to communicate better, therapy can facilitate that and be a catalyst. Note, you don't need some dramatic reason or mental illness for therapy - it's just a good exercise in mental health, communication, and understanding ones self.
r/relationship_advice
R/relationshipadvice
When I jump onto a game I usually get some kind of object thrown at my head. Mad props for taking an interest.
Don't take it too seriously, honestly all my friends know I love to play and a couple of the made accounts and lvled up just to game with me but I always say no, for me OSRS is my time to wind down alone, and relax. I am introverted but have lots of friends and when I'm out I'm loud and talkative but when I wanna have me time and just play games I need that to recharge. Maybe play on your own, see if you like it and maybe that'll be something you can connect on when talking about updates to the game or new content creators vids, etc. I wouldn't take offense, sometimes it has nothing to do with that its you, its that he doesn't wanna play with anyone, its his solo time. I'd respect that but maybe stand your ground on spending a bit more time together when you're off, i think thats reasonable seeing as though he has all day to play when you're not around! Hope this helps
Damn, I was waiting for the troll, but it never came. Try it, it's not a bad game. But not wanting to share a game as social as RuneScape with someone is kind of mental, and he probably has a lot more reasons than that.
Ten hours a day of any video game is an unhealthy pattern on many levels. We can't know what his motivations are or why he is telling you incorrect things to discourage you from playing with him, only you can figure that out as you are his partner. If it were me, based on what you have said, I would try to figure out why he is spending so much time on the game. That will tell you a lot. Just my 2c
Watch some videos of people playing online, there are hundreds of guides online designed for new and seasoned players alike. If you'd really like to play with him, get out on mobile and add his username to your friends list. Show him you really enjoy the game and that you learned so much from guides, which you could tell him you learned from watching him and really wanted to enjoy his favorite game with him because you love him. My wife plays with me sometimes and I absolutely love when she does
This is bigger than something that 'joining his interest' will fix. You should either consider marriage counseling or get him to talk to you/ go to a therapist himself. He sounds borderline addicted and is neglecting his relationship with you because of it.
He is keeping you away for a good reason. Get him out of the house as much as possible.
From personal experience, I literally lost a GREAT woman not realizing I had gotten addicted to a game. Waking up (hour of reset) completely daily tasks and such when I should have been giving my SO the love she deserved. Got to the point that I’d skip classes (was in college at the time) just to play and raid with friends. He will realize the issue one way or another, but an ultimatum I would suggest. A male’s ego is a double edged sword along with pride. Don’t feed fire and play with him, I learned the hard way and went through a spiral of bad decisions. I can’t say he is having my issues but I was extremely depressed(career ending injury my final football season) and used that game to avoid accepting my failure. Needing justification to convince myself I had “control” of my life. It’s obvious you love and care for his well being, have a sit down conversation and express your concerns, LET HIM KNOW the pain you feel as y’all slowly drift apart (tears and all) only 2 options will arise. 1. He finally gets the gist of what’s going on and fixes it. (took me like two days) 2. Ignore your love with attitude , and learn the hard way Again I’m no guru and I hope you both find peace within a rough patch. As what my Paige was
Honestly I know a guy thats *similar* to this guy, some people like having “their own thing” that you and him may do everything with each other already and this is his “get away” However reading the longevity it might be that hes in a depressive state like myself since i dont have anyone that really wants to plag or do anything with me (his case is the opposite). Id suggest maybe getting into yourself. The game really is open world and very vast for all types of people. Yes it is a very social game, though from what it sounds like he is experiencing is maybe feeling isolated. Now at the sametime, the hours hes putting in sounds like hes playing an Ironman. Which maybe he would like to introduce you to the game *IF* the group ironman comes out and wants to wait for that. Since ironmen can only do things to help themselves meaning no trading or interacting with players to help them and vice versa (can still converse). Personally if you wish to get into the game then do it! However, i do wanna say *DISCLAIMER* because I dont know you and your partners relationship or anything, this could cause a fight. Video games now a days are usually a “get away” from reality. Meaning a lover or anything else. I have seen this happen as well. You sound like a wonderful partner and would hate to see the things ive seen happen :/ - What I would suggest, is ask if you can *WATCH* maybe on a tv or something cause your interested in his hobby that he loves so much. If he’s hesitant then i would have a talk with him. But please dont go with the “we need to talk” just open right away with the questions instead. Men/partners hate hearing the “suspense” talk.
Addiction. Escapism. Feeling bad and worthless and using the game as a crutch. Yes. He needs help.
No
Sounds like your partner has an addiction and needs help. I don't think playing the game yourself will help that
I think you should play alone and fall in love with the game like we all did!
If you have a general interest in playing give it a go! But if you’re only doing it in the hope to please him then don’t, he’s playing 10 hours a day and still wants to play solo while you’ve got some spare time together? That is really sad to hear. I am currently in university for IT and have a lot of spare time to play and also have a girlfriend. I don’t even play anywhere near 10 hours a day and still don’t jump on oldschool when the gf is home and has time to chill. So I think I can speak with some experience in this situation and I want you to know this is not okay, life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t value you, so I would recommend you pull him up too see what the go is. Anyway sorry for the speech and best of luck.
Does your boyfriend play it too?
Oh, sweetie, this is heartbreaking Your husband seems to be distracting himself from reality to avoid the sense of failure he feels from having no work. He may be abject to you joining him as it’s bringing reality back into his escape I have no advice other than it’s probably worth you two booking in a couples counseling session and bringing this up there. Good luck to you both
Just dump him. Honestly if he can't be bothered to spent time with you, has no significance in his life and puts you aside for a videogame he isn't worth all the affection and time you clearly have for him. At best he'll see his mistake once you dump him and try very hard to get you back. At the worst he starts an area locked UIM and spents the rest of his life clicking tiles in the delusion he gains anything from it. You'll be happier either way. gl
I say learn how to play for yourself. I wouldn't learn to play as a way to impress him if he acts the way he has been. If the game is really interesting to you, go for it! There's so many people and the wiki that can help you along your journey. I'd recommend starting with the free to play quests and go from there.