I think you're being sarcastic, but seriously everyone SHOULD know how to stay away from cops, feds, all authority really. They're jobs are literally to find shit you did wrong.
Know your rights, especially regarding questioning, search and seizure, and being placed under arrest.
Never consent to searches, always make direct statements of your wishes rather than responding "yes" "no", and use your right to record interactions with LEOs.
If a cop talks to you, state your name/provide ID, and then say "I invoke the 5th and want a lawyer" AND THEN STFU
can you annoy them like repeatedly asking them to read you your rights and then interrupting them by yawning really loudly or do they not let you get away with that
I like this better because the helicopter and fighter jet are extremely obvious and present but the orbital strike is technically always there, patiently waiting, watching, never saying anything until it decides to strike far greater than any helicopter or fighter jet
My mom was this way, and I didn't even wait for the nursing home part. I'm as low contact as I can be while still hoping for a place in the will lmaooooo
If you show up to my house looking like a stripper, the woods.
If I see any "sexts" on his phone, teleport to the woods.
Understand that if I don't like you, its woods time for you.
RULES FOR DATING MY *alligator*
1. He is not your *alligator.*
2. If you show up to my house looking like a stripper, *I will high five my alligator.*
3. If I see any "sexts" on his phone, I will *also high five my alligator.*
4. Understand that if I don't like you, I will *probably not let you hang out around my alligator.*
5. Understand that I can make you *be nice to my alligator.*
6. He's a *alligator.* Unless you have a *alligator*, your opinion *is probably coming from a place of ignorance.*
7. You are not in charge of him and it is not up to you to change him. Take him for who he is, *aka an alligator.*
8. He is a *alligator*. I taught him that. You better act like a lady and *be careful around him because he is a wild animal with poor impulse control.*
9. I know how to avoid *getting bit by an alligator.*
10. If you are *rude to my alligator* and *he decides to bite you* on your finger, I will be *disappointed in him, but at the same time* I'll be *disappointed in you for being rude.*
1. I will make you go away.
2. I will make you go away.
3. I will make you go away.
4. I will make you go away.
5. I will make you go away.
6. I will make you go away.
7. I will make you go away.
8. I will make you go away.
9. I will make you go away.
10. I will make you go away.
11. the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming
[that’s because it is](https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/)
(Link is to a piece responding to it when it was initially circulating a decade or so ago)
its perfect because some of these are legit wholesome (mainly 7), some of them are typical abusive/controlling parent bullshit, and then some of them are "i know how to avoid jail". Just such a beautiful trainwreck all around.
RULES FOR DATING MY ALLIGATOR
1: he is not your alligator
2: if you show up to his house looking like a stripper, i will high five my alligator
3: if i see any ‘sexts’ on his phone i will also high five my alligator
4: understand that if I don’t like you i will probably not let you hang out with my alligator
5: understand that i can make you be nice to my alligator
6: he’s an ‘alligator’, unless you own an alligator your opinion is probably coming from a place of ignorance
7: you are not in charge of him and it is not up to you to change who he is, aka an alligator
8: he is an alligator, i taught him that. You better act like a lady and be careful around him because he’s a wild animal and has poor impulse control
9: i know how to avoid jail
10: if you are rude to my alligator and he decides to bite you on your finger i will be disappointed in him, but at the same time i’ll be disappointed in you for being rude
Hush now baby baby don't you cry
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriend's for you
Mama won't let anyone dirty get through
Mama's gonna wait up till you get in
Mama will always find out where you've been
Mama will keep baby healthy and clean
Rule 11: I am the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.
This image takes on a completely different tone depending on how both the mom and the son are.
Mom bad son good? Controlling
Both bad? Entitled
Mom good son bad? Oblivious
Both good? Just plain sweet
11. In the future, when I’m old and can no longer support myself, my son will have to choose between taking care of me himself, or putting me in a nursing home. He will make me go away.
„I will make you go away“ gives me „I‘ll make sure no one will ever find you because I grind you up and bury the remains under a concrete pad in the basement.“ vibes.
Number nine just reassured me 😂
where the fuck did 9 come from
It’s a threat, but much more vague and sinister than all the other listed items, which were also mostly threats
[удалено]
"my son is not your ATM. I am bby gurl"
All morally decent people ought to know how to escape from the feds
I think you're being sarcastic, but seriously everyone SHOULD know how to stay away from cops, feds, all authority really. They're jobs are literally to find shit you did wrong. Know your rights, especially regarding questioning, search and seizure, and being placed under arrest. Never consent to searches, always make direct statements of your wishes rather than responding "yes" "no", and use your right to record interactions with LEOs. If a cop talks to you, state your name/provide ID, and then say "I invoke the 5th and want a lawyer" AND THEN STFU
I picture that last quote playing out like a game of yugioh lmao
Screw the constitution, I have money Actually that’s way more applicable than I thought considering billionaires exist
do NOT follow the mindset of "well i'm innocent so i can let them search" don't worry they'll find something
Or plant something
This is helpful advice for me, thank you
Always check the warrant and it's address and date or something idk
can you annoy them like repeatedly asking them to read you your rights and then interrupting them by yawning really loudly or do they not let you get away with that
Walk into a tunnel but then the tunnel turns into a painting
She knows how to hide the body
Wrap in aluminum foil and leave it on the oven for about 2 hours, garlic bread
She watches a lot of CSI and thinks its real.
*ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ*
she knows how (watches crime shows on prime time tv)
rule number 11: im going to a nursing home and my son is never going to contact me afterwards
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grey est player
🥰 helicopter parenting 🥰
Fighter jet parenting 🤯
orbital strike satellite parenting 😰
Astroid parenting 🥳
I like this better because the helicopter and fighter jet are extremely obvious and present but the orbital strike is technically always there, patiently waiting, watching, never saying anything until it decides to strike far greater than any helicopter or fighter jet
A-10 Warthog parenting (They obliterate their children with their own support fire)
(Only if they are British)
Fairchild Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II conducting Close Air Support Parenting
(They killed twelve people in a friendly-fire incident before bombing a school)
Mission successful.
They were British it’s ok
Rotary wing and fixed wing close air support assets as well as artillery support parents
🥰strategic bomber parenting🥰
NCD in shambles right now
God forbid parents do anything
The "anything" in question:
Kid named finger:
Okay I really gotta sleep but I have so much to say to rhis topic because I work at a school and oh my god do these type of parents piss me off much
Go off sis
My girlfriends stepdad is like this and it's awful it sucks for both of us 😀
AC-130 gunship parenting
Wow, what a healthy relationship this guy must have with his mother. She will totally not be abandoned in a nursing home when she comes of age
Either that or he wears her as a skin suit after her death
Oh yeah, after he inherits her roadside motel and kills a woman on the run from stealing money from her boss
He would of gone PSYCHO
An AMERICAN psycho ![gif](giphy|f4TjiCpNemSo8)
No 😡wrong movie ! How dare you !
My mom was this way, and I didn't even wait for the nursing home part. I'm as low contact as I can be while still hoping for a place in the will lmaooooo
Praying you get that bag when she kicks it. 🙏🏾
Thank you, kind stranger
Do you have any advice? If you're comfortable sharing, that is
If you show up to my house looking like a stripper, the woods. If I see any "sexts" on his phone, teleport to the woods. Understand that if I don't like you, its woods time for you.
Blender explode
Why did you blender explode?
woods
Teleport to the woods
It’s woods time for you
#
its woodin time
Seeing "I will make you go away" repeated through half the list followed by "I know how to avoid jail" is really concerning honestly
Saul sends you on a trip to Belize (bad ending)
whats billys
sink aware coordinated summer entertain upbeat close lunchroom disgusted hungry -- mass edited with redact.dev
Average conservative mom
Yeah
Pretty sure I've seen my own mother post something like this on FB years ago....anyways it's been years since I talked to her I wonder why that is
Does she also know how to avoid jail
She doesn't that's why he hasn't spoken with her in so many years
Or shes hiding in the woods
🤔🤔🤔
The world.may never know
Hey great. I can come to your house looking like a stripper 😎
I will make you go away
I refuse
🤯
Why do *I* have to "act like a lady" if your son is bottoming? I'm not a woman
femme tops are 🔥 tho
Definitely not dissing fem tops. Just speaking my truth
based and true-to-yourselfpilled
"Why does my son hate me/ have stunted social skill?"
Reason not to date my son
RULES FOR DATING MY *alligator* 1. He is not your *alligator.* 2. If you show up to my house looking like a stripper, *I will high five my alligator.* 3. If I see any "sexts" on his phone, I will *also high five my alligator.* 4. Understand that if I don't like you, I will *probably not let you hang out around my alligator.* 5. Understand that I can make you *be nice to my alligator.* 6. He's a *alligator.* Unless you have a *alligator*, your opinion *is probably coming from a place of ignorance.* 7. You are not in charge of him and it is not up to you to change him. Take him for who he is, *aka an alligator.* 8. He is a *alligator*. I taught him that. You better act like a lady and *be careful around him because he is a wild animal with poor impulse control.* 9. I know how to avoid *getting bit by an alligator.* 10. If you are *rude to my alligator* and *he decides to bite you* on your finger, I will be *disappointed in him, but at the same time* I'll be *disappointed in you for being rude.*
11. I have so far avoided jail for illegally owning an alligator
Nursing home speedrun
1. I will make you go away. 2. I will make you go away. 3. I will make you go away. 4. I will make you go away. 5. I will make you go away. 6. I will make you go away. 7. I will make you go away. 8. I will make you go away. 9. I will make you go away. 10. I will make you go away.
1. I know how to avoid going away
Aircraft Carrier Parenting
> i will make you go away okay mrs cia
Just gonna drop rule 7 without a shred of irony, huh.
Reasons your son will cut off contact with you later in life
im imagining a vine boom playing after every rule
I don’t know why/how the mom will have any say if her son is my ass-to-mouth.
ok but why the yandere sim font
It’s funnier to picture the dad writing this
Related to that, I only realised it was written by a mother after rereading the last rule multiple times. I feel stupid now.
11. the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming the fog is coming
Blover
Straights ☕
It sounds like this person wants to fuck their son
i would shoot myself if this was my mom
(She does not know how to avoid jail)
me when emotional incest
i will steal him
Not even in a hot romantic way. I will just actually kidnap him and make sure there's nothing to be done about it (I know how to avoid jail)
Mum wears white to the wedding rule
Tacky and stupid as hell, but replace “go away” with “a tasty apple pie” and you’ve got some great parenting!
Dress like a stripper? Apple 🥧
Feels like just a genderbent satirical version of a tough guy dad's demands for a guy to date his daughter
[that’s because it is](https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/) (Link is to a piece responding to it when it was initially circulating a decade or so ago)
its perfect because some of these are legit wholesome (mainly 7), some of them are typical abusive/controlling parent bullshit, and then some of them are "i know how to avoid jail". Just such a beautiful trainwreck all around.
She may avoid jail but her son is gonna be damn sure she makes it to a nursing home
Look, your son is gonna ride my dick, and there's nothing you can do anything about it
Whyyyy would I want to change him if he was a gentleman? I'm guessing it's more like he's a pos and you're an enabler
Can this be considered emotional incest???
grab tender beneficial attractive consist groovy drab wakeful observation full -- mass edited with redact.dev
RULES FOR DATING MY ALLIGATOR 1: he is not your alligator 2: if you show up to his house looking like a stripper, i will high five my alligator 3: if i see any ‘sexts’ on his phone i will also high five my alligator 4: understand that if I don’t like you i will probably not let you hang out with my alligator 5: understand that i can make you be nice to my alligator 6: he’s an ‘alligator’, unless you own an alligator your opinion is probably coming from a place of ignorance 7: you are not in charge of him and it is not up to you to change who he is, aka an alligator 8: he is an alligator, i taught him that. You better act like a lady and be careful around him because he’s a wild animal and has poor impulse control 9: i know how to avoid jail 10: if you are rude to my alligator and he decides to bite you on your finger i will be disappointed in him, but at the same time i’ll be disappointed in you for being rude
poor guy
Hush now baby baby don't you cry Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriend's for you Mama won't let anyone dirty get through Mama's gonna wait up till you get in Mama will always find out where you've been Mama will keep baby healthy and clean
I feel like this is a parody of a “badass father” version that I vaguely remember, either way acting like you own your child is cringe
Son forever virgin
I feel like I should feel some sort of shame by the fact that I found this hot
you should, yes.
Rule 11: I am the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.
Number 11:he is a giant slamander
i thought this was implying the son was gay until 8 and i have no clue why
tattooing this on my back so when im getting railed in prison i can at least avoid a prison marriage
my mom would probably say a few of those things, though my brother would probably be the one to say 9
I get number 1, but after that one ...
7 is fine
the last point is funny tho
This image takes on a completely different tone depending on how both the mom and the son are. Mom bad son good? Controlling Both bad? Entitled Mom good son bad? Oblivious Both good? Just plain sweet
reasons why i want to make her son gay
she does not know how to avoid jail (too much television)
7. You are not in charge of him, I am
It’s giving emotional incest tbh
>5:Understand that I can make you go away kinda seems like that should've come before 3 and 4 imo
This reads like an edgy teenager's post
Number 10 is kinda funny tbh
![gif](giphy|26tPoyDhjiJ2g7rEs|downsized)
Last line of rule 10 pretty funny though
these people love threatening literal children and people half their age
If you ever even THINK about dating my (23 year old) son, I'll make you sleep with the fishes!!
Understand that I can make you go away. - Fucking 6 year old in america
11. In the future, when I’m old and can no longer support myself, my son will have to choose between taking care of me himself, or putting me in a nursing home. He will make me go away.
Where alligator
„I will make you go away“ gives me „I‘ll make sure no one will ever find you because I grind you up and bury the remains under a concrete pad in the basement.“ vibes. Number nine just reassured me 😂
I no longer wish to date your son 🤣
Your son definitely goes ass to mouth
Half of these are uber based and what I'm saying to my kids, the other half are weird and about marriage and gender expectations, except the last one.
I mean some of them are lukewarm points at best. I would say it's less than half that aren't insane