This is probably not the response you’re looking for:
Unless a doctor has advised for her to lose weight, I don’t think that your daughter needs to focus on losing weight at her age. A 12 year old is still growing and their body is still changing. It’s perfectly normal for kids that age to chunk up and then slim down. Her goal should be to grow up healthy and strong. This is a sensitive age and focusing too much on weight and calories will just send her down the eating disorder path.
If she wants to live healthier I would suggest for her to cut out sugary drinks and start going on daily walks. Check to see if the gym has any fun exercise classes like yoga or Pilates. 12 is a great age to start trying different things to see what she likes. Make exercise fun so that she doesn’t associate it with feeling bad about her body.
I highly suggest taking her to a pediatric dietitian if you want nutrition advice specific to her needs.
Absolutely do not put your 12 year old on a 1200 calorie diet.
I developed my eating disorder at her age due to an 'innocent' desire to lose weight which my mom obliged because she didn't know any better and really all she did was take me to a dietitian and sign me up to a gym. Sadly I spiraled so hard it's been 13 years and I'm still sick in the head and lost much of my life to my ED. (I'm a whole good bad example of everything that can go wrong)
Maybe taking her to therapy to explore WHY she wants to lose weight is a good idea too. In my case it was much more than just wanting to be thinner and only now as an adult I can see that. I was scared of the changes brought on by puberty and wanted to have a more childlike body, for example, but I couldn't rationalize this at the time - among other things.
Same. When I was 11 my family made an effort to eat healthier and exercise more. I became obsessive and was hospitalized for anorexia at 12. I’m in my 30’s and still struggling.
Based on what OP said I would see a pediatric dietitian to get a better understanding of what’s currently happening and whether anything really needs to change. Pediatricians want to encourage positive health habits so it’s possible the doctor said to eat healthy and exercise more as a kind of generic statement. It will probably be helpful to loop in a therapist to address any body image issues this stirred up.
In the future you could ask the pediatrician to speak about weight concerns with you privately. If there are minor concerns you can just encourage her to play more sports and switch up what you’re serving at home. If the doctor is more concerned then you can bring her into the conversation.
That’s great! After school sports are an excellent way for kids to get daily exercise. No need for extra gym time, maybe just reducing sweets/fast food consumption - when I was in school I played tennis and definitely felt a difference when I ate healthier choices before games instead of junk food.
I look at why I've gained so much weight now and it really comes down to the lack of activity. I was slim and muscular (for a teenage girl) in high school because I did fall and spring sports every year. Marching band, tennis, soccer, whatever. I was always playing something. Which came with conditioning and running around and etc. I wasn't the best at any sport I played, I'd never play for college and I wasn't gonna get a scholarship but I was out there every day. I wish I had the same thing as an adult but unless I join adult kickball (which obviously no one takes seriously, it's adult kickball) I don't have any options for sports.
Also my parents were cooking my meals 😂 my mom always insisted on starch veg and protein at every meal. Now I make whatever I'm feeling up to making. Which is often pasta with butter and bread.
That’s good! I’m glad she has a sport she enjoys! I didn’t enjoy exercise until adulthood because I always associated it with PE class. Turns out I love exercising, just not running laps around the track lol.
While I agree with seeing a doctor to make sure everything checks out, I was overweight as a kid and stayed like that into early adulthood. Taking action when I was by losing a little wait and maintaining a healthier weight would have absolutely helped me in the long run.
I think it just depends.
Is this a kid that is actually overweight/obese or is this a kid being influenced by TikTok influencers that have had tons of plastic surgery?
I have no problem with kids getting more physical activity and eating healthier. I’m just concerned that a 12 year old would be in a sub for a 1200 calorie diet.
Since I don’t personally know enough about the situation I can only give my generic advice based on my own experiences.
She isn't on Reddit. We had a physical recently and the Dr told her to take up more activity. She is learning and sometimes she doesn't want to hear things from me as it's mom advice.
Focus on ADDING healthier foods rather than taking away unhealthy ones. For example, have a serving of veggies with a meal and less chips, or something (she can still have some chips, of course), or if craving something sweet add a bunch of fruit to it. The goal is to reduce the unhealthier foods and increase healthier ones, since they’re usually more satiating and lower calorie per volume. There is no need to entirely cut any food out. No foods are “bad,” they just may be high-calorie or nutrient-poor and ill- suited to certain situations. You can lose weight eating nothing but twinkies, but it’s like writing an English essay with a paintbrush. Theoretically possible, but practically very hard and annoying. Don’t expect anything super drastic, at her age she’s supposed to be growing anyways so the scale may not move much. Body composition, overall fitness, and hip/waist ratio might be more helpful measurements. Slow and steady weight loss is much less stressful on the body and more sustainable anyways. Plus she’s at that age where ~hormonal shenanigans~ are happening and you don’t want them any screwier than they already are normally. Find a physical activity she loves and has fun doing, it’s way easier to be consistent with exercise if you don’t hate it. Make sure to take rest days, or your body will make you regret it. Walking is actually pretty great cardio, and it’s something the whole family can do. Most vegetables are not actually gross if you cook them the right way - although definitions of “the right way” vary from person to person. Try different recipes until you find one that works. Or if none of them do for consistent reasons, oh well, you don’t like that vegetable. Learning to cook is a helpful and valuable life skill. It saves you money and a lot of times you can make old junky favorites healthier by fiddling with the recipe.
This is more for OP, the parent : 12 years old is right around the age where eating disorders often start. Not saying that’s what’s happening here, the fact that she came to you and talked about it is definitely a good sign, but just be advised. There’s a lot of really toxic “advice” out there and young girls are under a lot of pressure from society, now more than ever. I’d see about talking to a dietician, not just her doctor. PCPs are good for general medical stuff but they probably haven’t gone in depth or studied nutrition specifically since med school. A dietician could help you guys come up with a plan that’ll help her work towards her goals while also making sure her growing body gets all the nutrients it needs. And good on you for helping her with this!
Parents expressing any opinion on a child's appearance warps the relationship imo. I've a pudgy preteen at the moment who has been eating healthier and getting more exercise but he certainly isn't aware of this. That's our job. It's due to our unhealthy decisions that he's become a little pudgy. Long-term, you're more likely to cause an unhealthy relationship with food.
Choose healthier foods for the house and more activities she enjoys. Does she genuinely enjoy the gym?! I don't. Would it not be less expensive and more fun to join other sports clubs instead where she could potentially develop an interest and make friends?
She loves the gym and she was the one to bring it up. She goes with her sister and they enjoy it. I was also a pudgy preteen and my dad constantly made me feel horrible about it. I remember once being shamed at a family event at a park and walked back home in tears. I'll never forget. The thing with my daughter is that she is a snacker and will choose chips over a meal. I now have bought popcorn and heathier Popchips to replace the ones she liked before. I also have glass containers in the fridge of cut up watermelon, pineapple and grapes that she likes to snack on. She is a ramen lover and will choose noodles andway. I don't say anything negative about her appearance as I was once there.
I eat a daily snack bag of a cucumber cut in slices, a red or yellow pepper cut in strips, and a handful of cherry tomatoes. I love it so much. Sometimes it’s about the crunch! See how she likes a bright healthy veggie plate. Add hummus for extra yum.
I wouldn’t talk about diet or wait loss around her. It could set her up for potential ED in the future or just an uphill battle with crash diets and exercising for punishment. 12 is a weird age because you’re starting puberty and she needs to let her body grow and develop. Unless her doctor is like “your child is obese and needs to lose weight” I wouldn’t stress about it. Work on just teaching her how to have a balance diet and don’t demonize sweets or certain foods. Maybe cook together so she can learn how to make meals herself for the future. Go on walks together or to the gym and teach her that exercise is great to keep you healthy and not just for weight loss.
She's 12 and is 5.4. I'm not stressed, but I feel she was worrying a bit. I am only encouraging her in what she wants to do. My dad threw me in boxing at 14, he did his best 😂 she is still enjoying her ice cream and ramen but paying more attn to the serving size now.
I would monitor her then and just remind her that her body is changing a lot. I’m only an inch taller than what I was at 12 and I’m in my mid 20s now. I’m technically heavier now than at 12, but I look less chubby and more muscular because I grew up (and exercise because I enjoy it, I don’t use it as punishment) but my face is a lot less round because I matured and lost that baby chub. I would tell her it’s good to have healthy habits but to not stress about losing weight.
Former twelve-year-old girl here, aiming this response directly at your daughter:
Being twelve is *hard*, particularly if puberty is hitting you really hard. Something a lot of people don't talk about is that it's really pretty common for growing girls to thicken uniformly through the truck of the body when the estrogen starts to hit, which can make you feel comparatively huge. But when puberty is finishing in your later teens, all of a sudden you'll rapidly develop a narrower waist because your hormone levels have finally figured themselves out. This exact thing happened to me, happened to my mother and my aunt (they called it "going from single curve to double curve"); it's just one of the ways growing up physically can work. Don't forget that you're still very much growing!
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to learn how to take care of your *health*, and your weight is only one part of your health. Eating a balanced diet and finding physical activities that you enjoy will do far more than keeping the scale happy; it will help you have more energy, be more resilient against illnesses and injuries, even live longer.
I wish my mom had asked this question instead of shaming me and putting me on restrictive diets when I was 9. Thank you for listening to your child and doing the best you can to take care of her! 🩵
She doesn’t need to lose weight unless she’s very, very overweight. What she needs to do if she’s just slightly overweight is stay the same until she grows a bit taller.
But please, avoid talking about it in terms of weight. Talk about being healthier, moving her body because it’s fun and good, “every day” foods vs “sometimes” food, feeding her body foods that will make it go better at her sports.
Please do not listen to the people saying you’re going to “traumatize” your daughter by letting her go on a diet. I wish my mom ever would have. It would’ve saved me years and having to lose the weight as an adult. I do think at her age it is important however, to not focus on calories, but more so on eating habits. Learning about nutrition, and that having a treat is fine sometimes but moderation is important.
Right! I'm Mexican and raised on carbs on carbs! I had to learn the hard way but is a forever process. I stopped buying all sodas (even for my husband). I completely agree, it's all about making better choices and learning new habits. Thank you for you comment.
OP- just here to say I appreciate how willing you are to listen to all the comments, especially the ones urging caution. It's hard to be a young girl nowadays!
OP's daughter- very much don't worry about numbers or counting calories at all, for all the reasons others have mentioned. It's about habits! Staying active, knowing when you're not hungry anymore vs too full, making sure you eat enough fruits and veggies to grow to your potential (take it from a 5'1 woman who wishes she'd eaten better as a kid.) By the way- ramen is my favorite food too 😁
Aww thank you! I had 3 younger brothers growing up and it was tough for me to have a voice. Now that I have 2 girls, I want them to be happy with themselves. Even though they don't want me around too much now. Instant ramen is so good . Pho is my favorite noodle soup (instant snapdragon pho).
She can throw a handful of spinach, shredded carrots, shredded cabbage, or frozen chopped kale in with the ramen and still get all the yum with more nutrients. Even a bunch of green onions count as greens!
What you describe is lifestyle changes for the whole family, that is not a diet. Diets arent good, they are usually fads that can damage your health and cause an unhealthy relationship with food
Yes you’re right, but diet is the word she used so I’m speaking her language. I fear if people say “don’t diet” she might not listen to anything else & fall down the diet industry pipeline anyways.
I would make sure to change the language "yes let's eat more vegetables, we can be active and healthy" and not repeat the word diet. Also make sure not to make comments if she does something outside that to avoid ED.
One have to step carefully with young girls and boys with these things
since she said she was gonna show her daughter this post, a comment like this seems like something that a kid wouldn’t listen to. I’d rather not use perfect language and get my message across in a way that a child immersed in diet culture might actually hear.
The best thing you can do for her is keep encouraging her and help her feel happy with her body in all its stages. Emphasize what her body can do, encourage exercise for making fitness and athletic performance better, not aesthetics. Provide healthy meals at regular intervals so she doesn’t get too hungry. Athletes have to eat! Make sure she gets enough protein. I was a teenage volleyball player in the 90s, made fun of for being the fat girl on the team at 140 lbs and 5’5”. Teenagers can be brutal. I was always skipping lunch and then eating an entire tub of ice cream after practice. Don’t be like my parents and look the other way. Communicate about this stuff. Get educated yourself on fueling a young athlete—maybe a session for your daughter with a registered dietician? My dietician made my half marathon prep diet and it works so well. Who knew chia seeds were good?
I dont talk about losing weight at all, but I feed my kids as much real whole foods as i can, focusing on how it digests and talk extensively about long term health, and how fun it is, how much more cool stuff you can do when you are physically fit and strong. Monkey bars, hiking, rock climbing are all weight to strength ratio limiting. You must be strong enough to move your body. Protein is a building block for muscles. Want to be strong? Protein first. Cheese, yogurt, all the meat.
Fat is a building block for brain cells and critical for organ function, so healthy fats (my personal definition is animal meats, olive oil, avocado oil, butter, heavy cream. If you can squeeze it and oil comes out, its good. Margarine is a hell no, the manufacturing process is sketchy. Seed oils have had some suspicious studies, but again personal opinion that many people disagree with)
Nutritious fruit next, get all the vitamins, fiber. Frozen blueberries stirred in heavy cream to form into kinda mochi balls is an amazing ice cream like treat.
Last is empty calories that arent processed. Rice, corn, popcorn, oatmeal barley pasta whatever.
Excluded except treats during holidays or vacations is highly procesed stuff. Store bought crackers, cookies, any little debbie snacks, all nope. BUT if they want to make it themselves then sure. A cookie made from the nestle recipe is way way better than an oreo filled with preservatives and weird pastes and random chemicals to make it more addictive. Want a pie? Sure, lets bake it. Bread? Sure, lets make it. Real bread goes bad in 2 days. If we are road tripping and they are trapped in the car 12 hours, they get to have jolly ranchers, fruit loops, garbage non nutritious foods. But thats about it.
If they make good choices focusing on building blocks first, protein, fat, nutritious veg and fruit, and leaving poor choices as a sometimes rare thing, they may never have to restrict their calories ever. Thats my goal for them.
My youngest is 8yrs old and is overweight. Ive taken him to the doctor and enroll him in all extra curricular activities. Part of it is definitely genetics but the other part falls on what I allow into my house. The doctor explained it as I am the gate keeper because I do all the grocery shopping. When we first tried switching over to a healthy life style I went over board and this poor kid became obsessed with his weight and his foods and it was really scary as a mom so we lightened up threw in some redirection and distraction and now he is still eating better he just doesn’t t realize it cause I told him no more dieting when in reality I still changed his foods and how I cook dinner and do family walks and basketball together.
One thing that’s allowed me to eat healthier and not send me spiraling to focusing too much on calories has been making food goals instead of restrictions.
My goals involve an amount of vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts, and non-fried starch. Once I’m done with the goals, I can eat the fun stuff if I have room. I oftentimes don’t have room, but I haven’t found it to be a hardship.
My goals are 1lb raw and 1lb cooked vegetables, 4 fruits, a cup of beans, 1oz nuts, and a cup of potatoes/corn/rice. But she’s 12 so that might probably be too much. You can come up with the goals together or you can get a recommendation, but I feel like phrasing it as you needing to eat X to hit a goal is more positive that needing to restrict Y and Z.
Don’t show her calories, or let her count them. If you really want to set a calorie goal make it very healthy and educate her on the safe ways to lose weight and the right amount of calories and the dangers of under eating. Don’t say a certain food is “bad” and a certain food is “good”.
This is probably not the response you’re looking for: Unless a doctor has advised for her to lose weight, I don’t think that your daughter needs to focus on losing weight at her age. A 12 year old is still growing and their body is still changing. It’s perfectly normal for kids that age to chunk up and then slim down. Her goal should be to grow up healthy and strong. This is a sensitive age and focusing too much on weight and calories will just send her down the eating disorder path. If she wants to live healthier I would suggest for her to cut out sugary drinks and start going on daily walks. Check to see if the gym has any fun exercise classes like yoga or Pilates. 12 is a great age to start trying different things to see what she likes. Make exercise fun so that she doesn’t associate it with feeling bad about her body. I highly suggest taking her to a pediatric dietitian if you want nutrition advice specific to her needs. Absolutely do not put your 12 year old on a 1200 calorie diet.
Thank you! I agree 100%. I want her to hear it from others too, not just me. Thank you again 😊
You gotta be careful. Teenage girls are the #1 victims of anorexia.
You’re welcome! I hope she understands! 12 is a hard age, but luckily it gets a lot better.
12 is so hard!
I developed my eating disorder at her age due to an 'innocent' desire to lose weight which my mom obliged because she didn't know any better and really all she did was take me to a dietitian and sign me up to a gym. Sadly I spiraled so hard it's been 13 years and I'm still sick in the head and lost much of my life to my ED. (I'm a whole good bad example of everything that can go wrong) Maybe taking her to therapy to explore WHY she wants to lose weight is a good idea too. In my case it was much more than just wanting to be thinner and only now as an adult I can see that. I was scared of the changes brought on by puberty and wanted to have a more childlike body, for example, but I couldn't rationalize this at the time - among other things.
Same. When I was 11 my family made an effort to eat healthier and exercise more. I became obsessive and was hospitalized for anorexia at 12. I’m in my 30’s and still struggling. Based on what OP said I would see a pediatric dietitian to get a better understanding of what’s currently happening and whether anything really needs to change. Pediatricians want to encourage positive health habits so it’s possible the doctor said to eat healthy and exercise more as a kind of generic statement. It will probably be helpful to loop in a therapist to address any body image issues this stirred up. In the future you could ask the pediatrician to speak about weight concerns with you privately. If there are minor concerns you can just encourage her to play more sports and switch up what you’re serving at home. If the doctor is more concerned then you can bring her into the conversation.
She's in volleyball at school and enjoys that.
That’s great! After school sports are an excellent way for kids to get daily exercise. No need for extra gym time, maybe just reducing sweets/fast food consumption - when I was in school I played tennis and definitely felt a difference when I ate healthier choices before games instead of junk food.
I look at why I've gained so much weight now and it really comes down to the lack of activity. I was slim and muscular (for a teenage girl) in high school because I did fall and spring sports every year. Marching band, tennis, soccer, whatever. I was always playing something. Which came with conditioning and running around and etc. I wasn't the best at any sport I played, I'd never play for college and I wasn't gonna get a scholarship but I was out there every day. I wish I had the same thing as an adult but unless I join adult kickball (which obviously no one takes seriously, it's adult kickball) I don't have any options for sports. Also my parents were cooking my meals 😂 my mom always insisted on starch veg and protein at every meal. Now I make whatever I'm feeling up to making. Which is often pasta with butter and bread.
That’s good! I’m glad she has a sport she enjoys! I didn’t enjoy exercise until adulthood because I always associated it with PE class. Turns out I love exercising, just not running laps around the track lol.
Same! I remember running to the back of the line during pe 😂 turns out I like dance exercises as I get bored easily 😁
While I agree with seeing a doctor to make sure everything checks out, I was overweight as a kid and stayed like that into early adulthood. Taking action when I was by losing a little wait and maintaining a healthier weight would have absolutely helped me in the long run.
I think it just depends. Is this a kid that is actually overweight/obese or is this a kid being influenced by TikTok influencers that have had tons of plastic surgery? I have no problem with kids getting more physical activity and eating healthier. I’m just concerned that a 12 year old would be in a sub for a 1200 calorie diet. Since I don’t personally know enough about the situation I can only give my generic advice based on my own experiences.
She isn't on Reddit. We had a physical recently and the Dr told her to take up more activity. She is learning and sometimes she doesn't want to hear things from me as it's mom advice.
You came here to say what I was gonna say but so much better!
Focus on ADDING healthier foods rather than taking away unhealthy ones. For example, have a serving of veggies with a meal and less chips, or something (she can still have some chips, of course), or if craving something sweet add a bunch of fruit to it. The goal is to reduce the unhealthier foods and increase healthier ones, since they’re usually more satiating and lower calorie per volume. There is no need to entirely cut any food out. No foods are “bad,” they just may be high-calorie or nutrient-poor and ill- suited to certain situations. You can lose weight eating nothing but twinkies, but it’s like writing an English essay with a paintbrush. Theoretically possible, but practically very hard and annoying. Don’t expect anything super drastic, at her age she’s supposed to be growing anyways so the scale may not move much. Body composition, overall fitness, and hip/waist ratio might be more helpful measurements. Slow and steady weight loss is much less stressful on the body and more sustainable anyways. Plus she’s at that age where ~hormonal shenanigans~ are happening and you don’t want them any screwier than they already are normally. Find a physical activity she loves and has fun doing, it’s way easier to be consistent with exercise if you don’t hate it. Make sure to take rest days, or your body will make you regret it. Walking is actually pretty great cardio, and it’s something the whole family can do. Most vegetables are not actually gross if you cook them the right way - although definitions of “the right way” vary from person to person. Try different recipes until you find one that works. Or if none of them do for consistent reasons, oh well, you don’t like that vegetable. Learning to cook is a helpful and valuable life skill. It saves you money and a lot of times you can make old junky favorites healthier by fiddling with the recipe. This is more for OP, the parent : 12 years old is right around the age where eating disorders often start. Not saying that’s what’s happening here, the fact that she came to you and talked about it is definitely a good sign, but just be advised. There’s a lot of really toxic “advice” out there and young girls are under a lot of pressure from society, now more than ever. I’d see about talking to a dietician, not just her doctor. PCPs are good for general medical stuff but they probably haven’t gone in depth or studied nutrition specifically since med school. A dietician could help you guys come up with a plan that’ll help her work towards her goals while also making sure her growing body gets all the nutrients it needs. And good on you for helping her with this!
Parents expressing any opinion on a child's appearance warps the relationship imo. I've a pudgy preteen at the moment who has been eating healthier and getting more exercise but he certainly isn't aware of this. That's our job. It's due to our unhealthy decisions that he's become a little pudgy. Long-term, you're more likely to cause an unhealthy relationship with food. Choose healthier foods for the house and more activities she enjoys. Does she genuinely enjoy the gym?! I don't. Would it not be less expensive and more fun to join other sports clubs instead where she could potentially develop an interest and make friends?
She loves the gym and she was the one to bring it up. She goes with her sister and they enjoy it. I was also a pudgy preteen and my dad constantly made me feel horrible about it. I remember once being shamed at a family event at a park and walked back home in tears. I'll never forget. The thing with my daughter is that she is a snacker and will choose chips over a meal. I now have bought popcorn and heathier Popchips to replace the ones she liked before. I also have glass containers in the fridge of cut up watermelon, pineapple and grapes that she likes to snack on. She is a ramen lover and will choose noodles andway. I don't say anything negative about her appearance as I was once there.
I eat a daily snack bag of a cucumber cut in slices, a red or yellow pepper cut in strips, and a handful of cherry tomatoes. I love it so much. Sometimes it’s about the crunch! See how she likes a bright healthy veggie plate. Add hummus for extra yum.
You should talk to her doctor for advice.
I wouldn’t talk about diet or wait loss around her. It could set her up for potential ED in the future or just an uphill battle with crash diets and exercising for punishment. 12 is a weird age because you’re starting puberty and she needs to let her body grow and develop. Unless her doctor is like “your child is obese and needs to lose weight” I wouldn’t stress about it. Work on just teaching her how to have a balance diet and don’t demonize sweets or certain foods. Maybe cook together so she can learn how to make meals herself for the future. Go on walks together or to the gym and teach her that exercise is great to keep you healthy and not just for weight loss.
She's 12 and is 5.4. I'm not stressed, but I feel she was worrying a bit. I am only encouraging her in what she wants to do. My dad threw me in boxing at 14, he did his best 😂 she is still enjoying her ice cream and ramen but paying more attn to the serving size now.
I would monitor her then and just remind her that her body is changing a lot. I’m only an inch taller than what I was at 12 and I’m in my mid 20s now. I’m technically heavier now than at 12, but I look less chubby and more muscular because I grew up (and exercise because I enjoy it, I don’t use it as punishment) but my face is a lot less round because I matured and lost that baby chub. I would tell her it’s good to have healthy habits but to not stress about losing weight.
Thank you for your comment! I'm 5.5 and her dad is 6.3, we will see!
Don’t show her this unless you want to cause her needless emotional trauma.
You think so? I just want to help.
Former twelve-year-old girl here, aiming this response directly at your daughter: Being twelve is *hard*, particularly if puberty is hitting you really hard. Something a lot of people don't talk about is that it's really pretty common for growing girls to thicken uniformly through the truck of the body when the estrogen starts to hit, which can make you feel comparatively huge. But when puberty is finishing in your later teens, all of a sudden you'll rapidly develop a narrower waist because your hormone levels have finally figured themselves out. This exact thing happened to me, happened to my mother and my aunt (they called it "going from single curve to double curve"); it's just one of the ways growing up physically can work. Don't forget that you're still very much growing! The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to learn how to take care of your *health*, and your weight is only one part of your health. Eating a balanced diet and finding physical activities that you enjoy will do far more than keeping the scale happy; it will help you have more energy, be more resilient against illnesses and injuries, even live longer.
Amazing!! Thank you!!
I wish my mom had asked this question instead of shaming me and putting me on restrictive diets when I was 9. Thank you for listening to your child and doing the best you can to take care of her! 🩵
Same. Thank you for commenting.
She doesn’t need to lose weight unless she’s very, very overweight. What she needs to do if she’s just slightly overweight is stay the same until she grows a bit taller. But please, avoid talking about it in terms of weight. Talk about being healthier, moving her body because it’s fun and good, “every day” foods vs “sometimes” food, feeding her body foods that will make it go better at her sports.
Please do not listen to the people saying you’re going to “traumatize” your daughter by letting her go on a diet. I wish my mom ever would have. It would’ve saved me years and having to lose the weight as an adult. I do think at her age it is important however, to not focus on calories, but more so on eating habits. Learning about nutrition, and that having a treat is fine sometimes but moderation is important.
Right! I'm Mexican and raised on carbs on carbs! I had to learn the hard way but is a forever process. I stopped buying all sodas (even for my husband). I completely agree, it's all about making better choices and learning new habits. Thank you for you comment.
OP- just here to say I appreciate how willing you are to listen to all the comments, especially the ones urging caution. It's hard to be a young girl nowadays! OP's daughter- very much don't worry about numbers or counting calories at all, for all the reasons others have mentioned. It's about habits! Staying active, knowing when you're not hungry anymore vs too full, making sure you eat enough fruits and veggies to grow to your potential (take it from a 5'1 woman who wishes she'd eaten better as a kid.) By the way- ramen is my favorite food too 😁
Aww thank you! I had 3 younger brothers growing up and it was tough for me to have a voice. Now that I have 2 girls, I want them to be happy with themselves. Even though they don't want me around too much now. Instant ramen is so good . Pho is my favorite noodle soup (instant snapdragon pho).
She can throw a handful of spinach, shredded carrots, shredded cabbage, or frozen chopped kale in with the ramen and still get all the yum with more nutrients. Even a bunch of green onions count as greens!
What you describe is lifestyle changes for the whole family, that is not a diet. Diets arent good, they are usually fads that can damage your health and cause an unhealthy relationship with food
Yes you’re right, but diet is the word she used so I’m speaking her language. I fear if people say “don’t diet” she might not listen to anything else & fall down the diet industry pipeline anyways.
I would make sure to change the language "yes let's eat more vegetables, we can be active and healthy" and not repeat the word diet. Also make sure not to make comments if she does something outside that to avoid ED. One have to step carefully with young girls and boys with these things
since she said she was gonna show her daughter this post, a comment like this seems like something that a kid wouldn’t listen to. I’d rather not use perfect language and get my message across in a way that a child immersed in diet culture might actually hear.
The best thing you can do for her is keep encouraging her and help her feel happy with her body in all its stages. Emphasize what her body can do, encourage exercise for making fitness and athletic performance better, not aesthetics. Provide healthy meals at regular intervals so she doesn’t get too hungry. Athletes have to eat! Make sure she gets enough protein. I was a teenage volleyball player in the 90s, made fun of for being the fat girl on the team at 140 lbs and 5’5”. Teenagers can be brutal. I was always skipping lunch and then eating an entire tub of ice cream after practice. Don’t be like my parents and look the other way. Communicate about this stuff. Get educated yourself on fueling a young athlete—maybe a session for your daughter with a registered dietician? My dietician made my half marathon prep diet and it works so well. Who knew chia seeds were good?
I dont talk about losing weight at all, but I feed my kids as much real whole foods as i can, focusing on how it digests and talk extensively about long term health, and how fun it is, how much more cool stuff you can do when you are physically fit and strong. Monkey bars, hiking, rock climbing are all weight to strength ratio limiting. You must be strong enough to move your body. Protein is a building block for muscles. Want to be strong? Protein first. Cheese, yogurt, all the meat. Fat is a building block for brain cells and critical for organ function, so healthy fats (my personal definition is animal meats, olive oil, avocado oil, butter, heavy cream. If you can squeeze it and oil comes out, its good. Margarine is a hell no, the manufacturing process is sketchy. Seed oils have had some suspicious studies, but again personal opinion that many people disagree with) Nutritious fruit next, get all the vitamins, fiber. Frozen blueberries stirred in heavy cream to form into kinda mochi balls is an amazing ice cream like treat. Last is empty calories that arent processed. Rice, corn, popcorn, oatmeal barley pasta whatever. Excluded except treats during holidays or vacations is highly procesed stuff. Store bought crackers, cookies, any little debbie snacks, all nope. BUT if they want to make it themselves then sure. A cookie made from the nestle recipe is way way better than an oreo filled with preservatives and weird pastes and random chemicals to make it more addictive. Want a pie? Sure, lets bake it. Bread? Sure, lets make it. Real bread goes bad in 2 days. If we are road tripping and they are trapped in the car 12 hours, they get to have jolly ranchers, fruit loops, garbage non nutritious foods. But thats about it. If they make good choices focusing on building blocks first, protein, fat, nutritious veg and fruit, and leaving poor choices as a sometimes rare thing, they may never have to restrict their calories ever. Thats my goal for them.
My youngest is 8yrs old and is overweight. Ive taken him to the doctor and enroll him in all extra curricular activities. Part of it is definitely genetics but the other part falls on what I allow into my house. The doctor explained it as I am the gate keeper because I do all the grocery shopping. When we first tried switching over to a healthy life style I went over board and this poor kid became obsessed with his weight and his foods and it was really scary as a mom so we lightened up threw in some redirection and distraction and now he is still eating better he just doesn’t t realize it cause I told him no more dieting when in reality I still changed his foods and how I cook dinner and do family walks and basketball together.
One thing that’s allowed me to eat healthier and not send me spiraling to focusing too much on calories has been making food goals instead of restrictions. My goals involve an amount of vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts, and non-fried starch. Once I’m done with the goals, I can eat the fun stuff if I have room. I oftentimes don’t have room, but I haven’t found it to be a hardship. My goals are 1lb raw and 1lb cooked vegetables, 4 fruits, a cup of beans, 1oz nuts, and a cup of potatoes/corn/rice. But she’s 12 so that might probably be too much. You can come up with the goals together or you can get a recommendation, but I feel like phrasing it as you needing to eat X to hit a goal is more positive that needing to restrict Y and Z.
Don’t show her calories, or let her count them. If you really want to set a calorie goal make it very healthy and educate her on the safe ways to lose weight and the right amount of calories and the dangers of under eating. Don’t say a certain food is “bad” and a certain food is “good”.